dear psychlady i hope i find you well.
i would like to ask you some more questions to give me your insight about this particular matter i have talked to you about before.
as you know the story with this girl has exausted me because it doesn't seem to end.
About a month ago she sent me an email at work of a poem by Pablo Neruda Sonet XVII, which goes like this..
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.I love you as the plant that never bloomsbut carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;so I love you because I know no other waythan this: where I does not exist, nor you,so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
After about a week (it was a weekend), during which i was trying to figure out what she meant by that poem i thought of giving her a call and invite her over to my house for dinner and give it another try. i had called her on friday afternoon with no reply. She replied 3 hours later by text telling me that she was out and couldn't call me back. i said ok and called her again on saturday morning which she didn't reply. She called me back on sunday night and when i asked her how she spent her weekend she gave all these vague answers and avoided the discussion. It made me wonder a lot and i came to the conclusion that probably her supposingly ex (italian guy) flew from italy to cyprus for the weekend and she had been with him the whole time. it also made me angry not because she most probably was with him but because on one hand she sends me love poems at work and on the other hand when i try to call her, she doesn't answer the phone, and avoids to tell me how she spent her weekend.
following that i decided that if this is how she wants to be, i will stop talking to her at work and avoid having any discussions whatsoever. Later that week we had our annual party at work and we all went there. before going i told to myself that i will have a good time and avoid being with her or talking to her. At the party however i saw her that she was feeling uncomfortable i was ignoring her so later in the night she came close to me and told me that she had been watching me the whole night going from on table to another and finally we talk. she introduced to one of her best friends from work and pretty much that was it. Also before she left she came and kissed me on the cheek for goodnight, something she did only to me and not the other people from the group.
The following night we met at a common friend bday party, and again i was following the same tactick. What striked me was that wherever i would be she would come next to me trying to start a conversation with me which i would end it with a two word sentence. Later on in the night i was sitting at table and she was sitting next to me, while i was takling to the other people on the table. Later on the people left the table to sing happy bday to the host of the party, when i deliberately stayed sitting on the table to see what she would do. She stayed there with me, sitting there close to me without talking just playing with her hair and bracelets. we were sitting there for a couple of minutes when she finally left the table to wish happy bday to our friend.
i strongly believe that she had been with her ex all this time following our kiss on xmas eve, i just don't understand why conceals (she avoids answering the phone or text when i am around) it from me, and why she behaves around me the way she does.
honestly i believe her "love" to the other guy is a childish love... correct me if i am wrong, but with the other guy the've been together during her master's degree in london for a maximum of 6-8 months!! When she came back to cyprus, he wanted to come to cyprus to be with her but she didn't. They 've had these on and offs together for the past 1.5 years which they weren't even in the same country... i sometimes blame myself for not doing enough but maybe you are right its because she is not mature enough to realise certain things. it is as if she wants to be some kind of femme fatale...
she hasn't had previous relationships so maybe that's the reason. However she is a very nice person thats why i like her so much, and maybe its that that draws me to her.
i didn't quite get What if this isn't a puppy love. There shouldn't be ANY love.
"close" contact because technically they live in different countries..
well i guess this situation with her is as confusing as it can be...
sometimes before, i was hoping that this would turn into something good, nevertheless i appreciate your thoughtful and insightful advice.