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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My husband told a group of friends last night about a time

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My husband told a group of friends last night about a time he was sharing a hotel room with another guy while on a business trip. While he was sleeping this man brought a hooker in their room and had sex. The hooker spoke to my husband then had sex with the guy again. I had never heard this story before and I am quite sickened that my husband would stay in the room. I believed he was a man with great integrity and I am crushed and disgusted now. He thinks I am making an issue out of this and being ridiculous. I almost feel I need to leave him. Help.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I am a little disgusted too. What this revelation has done is sort of tarnished your image of him. I think this is an issue that can be resolved between the two of you eventually or even in a brief therapy session. It's up to you whether you get past it but he could help immensely by discussing it in a rational way. Try to convince him that he should discuss this once at length and you can ask any questions or share any thoughts, but after that time you will let it go for awhile. Sometimes this is helpful because you feel like you are being heard and not dismissed. Promise to not "get mad" but to discuss this rationally and see if he is willing to do so
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I want to give you a bit more information. This happened 5 years ago. The guys were in a management group on a trip out of the country. My husband told me at the time that there was a problem with this man getting hookers, he did not tell me they were rooming together. This man was kicked out of the group. So when my husband told this "funny" (he thought is was funny) story last night I was shocked. We had 2 couples over that I'm not close to and I was mortified. I just got up and went to bed. This morning when I told him we needed to talk about this he told me acted like I was just a jealous wife. He said everyone said they had had this happen to them before. He said they all thought I was a bitch and I ruined the evening. I did not cause a scene, I just went to bed, but I didn't tell anyone goodnight. He won't discuss this without fighting. How do I go back to normal life when I have lost respect for him. Am I making too much out of this? He said he won't ever tell me anything again because I can't handle it.
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

I don't think you are blowing anything out of proportion. I didn't realize that you were together at the time. You have every right to be upset. He should at the time have found another solution than staying in the room. I don't blame you for having difficulty with this. If nothing else it is hurtful.

 

As far as ruining the evening, you did the best you could. You were upset and didn't cause a scene. You merely removed yourself from the discussion and collected yourself by walking away. You are allowed to have your own reaction. Instead of him defending you, he discusses your being a bitch. I would be hurt about that too. This can only be resolved between the two of you and him having a genuine discussion with you without insults and finding his sense of empathy. Don't let go until it is resolved. You can also ask to speak to someone if you need intervention

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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