How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Suzanne Your Own Question

Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
32195369
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Suzanne is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

my niece is in a dating abuse relationship,she is 19 she wont

Resolved Question:

my niece is in a dating abuse relationship,she is 19 she wont tell us but tells my 19 yrl old daughter,we confronted her boyfriend once but she denied everything again today she called my daughter to tell her he slapped her again,but we are not suppose to know i dont know what to do because if we tell her parents the dad will probably go beat up the boyfriend and my niece will probably deny it again how can i help her shes been dating this guy for 7 yrs (junior high) his parents also deny he hits her but apparently all friends have seen some punching and shocking sorry for adding but my daughter mentioned to her to call police or tell parents but she does not want that she loves him
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

 

Your niece is lucky to have a concerned aunt like you. This is a dangerous situation, and you are right to be concerned. You might ask your daughter to get your niece to look online at some quizzes that will help her see that this is abuse. Here are a few:

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/abusequiz.shtml

 

http://lovegoodbadugly.com/quiz-is-it-love-or-control/

 

This one is a pamphlet: http://www.safehorizon.org/images/uploads/misc/1297797123_10%20signs%20that%20you%20may%20be%20experiencing%20relationship%20abuse.pdf

 

 

Abuse tends to escalate over time. This situation will not fix itself, especially with the boy and his parents in denial.

 

I know that this is not what you want to hear, but as a therapist it is my responsibility to be as honest as possible with you and tell you that

you and your daughter (since she is the one with the most information) must tell her parents, even though you worry about how her father will react. If something drastic happens to her, the family will be angry to find out that you knew but didn't tell them. You would also end up carrying a lot of guilt if she ends up getting seriously hurt. And she needs to know that people care enough about her to do the right thing for her...if she REALLY didn't want anyone to know, she wouldn't have told your daughter. She would have found someone outside of the family to tell. She may not be able to admit that she needs help, but she does.

 

She is only 19, and still needs some guidance from her parents. And yes, she will be angry with you and your daughter, but this is one situation where hurt feelings have to take second place to the possibility of her getting hurt physically.

 

I don't think anything good can come of NOT telling her parents, and you may be able to help save her from this abuse. She would also benefit from therapy to help find out why her self-esteem is so low that she will accept abusive treatment from others.

 

This is one secret that should not be kept. You and your daughter need to tell her parents what she has told you.

I know it's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Suzanne

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
Suzanne and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Suzanne
Suzanne
Therapist in Private Practice
338 Satisfied Customers
Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency