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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1813
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My girlfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me two

Customer Question

My girlfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me two weeks ago. I'm miserable without her. I can't live without her. What is the best strategy to try to get her back? She says she still loves me.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
Can you tell me why you both broke up? It's been two weeks and you are miserable with out her you have stated. You want to get her back and she has said she still loves you. If she still loves you then you both need to work things out by communicating about what happened and why you broke up. Things can be resolved if you are open about how you feel and you both understand the reason why you both broke up. Listen to why she ended the relationship. Did she have a reason or did she just say she wanted to break up with you? You said you had several phone conversation but she seems like she has her heart set, why do you feel that she feels like she doesn't want to get back together? Have you explained that you feel like you should try to work this out and not break up?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She claims she is no longer happy. She tried to approach me before right before to talk about it right before we broke up and I blew the conversation off. It was very selfish of me and have since appologized for doing so but she still says she has no interest in continuing. She says she wants to be single for awhile. The part that hurts the most is how she has grown so cold towards me. She used to be so loving and caring towards me but now she talks to me just like I'm some random dude in which she has no feelings for. My girlfriend is very stubborn and I want to give her space but I fear that if I give her too much space she will find another man.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
She says she is no longer happy and that when she tries to talk too you about it, you ignored the subject. You ignored the subject because you were afraid of what she was going to say or you just didn't understand how she could feel unhappy in the relationship? In relationships it is so important to communicate. When your girlfriend had a problem you need to address the problem, so you can both work it out. Problems don't go away if you ignore them they just grow. Your girlfriend was unable to talk about how she felt and thought if you couldn't understand how she felt, she has decided to break it off. She wanted you to be there to listen. Now you said what hurts the most is she has grown so cold towards you. She is hurt, she says she still loves you. But being hurt is her strongest emotion right now. You have apologized for blowing the conversation off, but that is some thing you can't take back. You have to let her get over that and work through her feelings. I understand what you are saying about giving her space. She needs to work her feelings out and let her know that you are there if she needs to talk.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I ignored it because I didn't understand how she could feel unhappy. Our relationship had reached a new high and I was as happy as I have ever been and I had assumed she was too. She told me that even before she approached me about her unhappiness that she had already made up her mind to end it. She claims that she felt she had to sacrifice being herself to make me happy and that she felt I could never accept who she truly was because it will make me unhappy. I told her don't make that decision for me and to let me decide that I can truly accept her (and I do!). She also is dealing with a lot of family issues right now that I feel have contributed to it as well. We've gone to lunch since the breakup and like I stated before she treated me just like a random dude. I even noticed that she took off the lockett I bought her for Christmas (something she used to wear 24/7). After we left I texted her that I loved her in which she replied "ok" instead of the normal "I love you more". From the conversations we've had it seems like she still loves me but isn't IN LOVE with me. If this is true how can I convince her to fall IN LOVE with me again?

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

She said she feels like she had to sacrifice being herself to make you happy, she feels you didn't accept her for who she is. Why would she feel like that? One thing that you should of said was that you love her for her and you never wanted her to change because you fell in love with her, for her. She is hurt still by what she is saying and is working it out by going to lunch with you. You mentioned family issues she is having. This could be some thing that is affect her. Some times you push away the person you love the most when things you have no control over are going on in your life. People push people away hoping they understand, but it ends up looking like they don't care. Since she is going through a tough time I would be there for her. Let her know that you are there for her her and she can count on you to listen and support her. She took off the locket because it could be making her sad to look at it because she is hurt inside with everything she is going through. I think it is important to explain too her that you accept her for who she is and that's why you fell in love with her.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I will do that. Thank you
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Ok thanks. Have a great day!

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