It sounds like you are mismatched sexually and this has led to your problems. Of course counseling is always the number one solution especially if it is sexual. This can work wonders.
Fetishes such as peeing can be satisfying but detrimental if the other person does not want to participate. Unless he is into that 100% do not push. You don't want to ask for anything that he is uncomfortable with because this can increase the anxiety he is feeling. This also goes for giviing him a sense of urgency. It takes time and patience but anxiety regarding sex (and not getting hard) can be resolved. There is a great book you would love called Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.
Try to use those communication skills to attempt to create better communication regarding sex. Also make a point to have date nights again wherein you can create intimacy that leads to sex. Unfortunately you have to maitnain a sense of compromise in order to meet him halfway as you are more sexually adventurous then he is. If you can create that sense of safety then the rest will follow.
Open communication about sex is always helpful too. Don't push the envelope too far at first and create a dialogue that is conducive to change