You said your heart is breaking. Your boyfriend insist you get a divorce from your husband. You also said it seems like a normal course of action. Yes it is, your boyfriend is upset because he want to move forward with your relationship and he feels like in order to take that next step, you need to get a divorce. Has your boyfriend ever mentioned marriage at all too you? There is a possibility that he might want to take that next step in the relationship and marry you. Has your boyfriend clearly stated why he wants you to get a divorce. I understand what you are saying about the security of your marriage. But your boyfriend is looking to move forward. He wants you to be with him and not be married to someone else. Divorce is very difficult to go through and like you said heart wrenching. But the decision you have to make is how much you want to be with your boyfriend. He left and the only option left if you both want to be together is getting a divorce. It's something you really have to think about is that what you want?
You and your boyfriend have spoken and he has said that you should not get a divorce just for his sake. I see he has thought things over and realized that this is your decision that you and your husband both need to make and that you shouldn't be pressured into doing something you are not ready to do. Your boyfriend cares about how you are feeling. He was upset at first, but seems to realize and is considering your feeling in this situation. You both have decided that you feel getting a divorce is to painful. You not ready to take that step. That is understandable. When your ready you will go through the process of divorce, but until them, your boyfriend will have to be understanding about what you are going through. Your boyfriend seems understanding now. You asked why stay in a relationship that is not really working? Were you and your husband at any point trying to work out your marraige or is it totally over at this point?