The career he has is dynamic and he travels a lot. Because of this career he would be meeting a lot of people by traveling. Business associates in all the places he travels. He will be talking to women and men on these trips. If he says he fell asleep on Sunday I would trust that he is telling you the truth. He called you Monday and explained what happened. He says he loves you and you have said that if you try to break it off he comes back stronger. He cares and loves you if he is not willing to let you go so easy. I would like to talk about why you do not trust him, has he ever given you reasons not to trust him?
There is something I want you to look at, you said "Why would he want me?" Why wouldn't he want to be with you? That is something within yourself. You need to realize that he is with you. Love is love it is simple. Once you find love, you just can't help who you love. How you see yourself and how he sees you is different. You know he could be thinking the same thing, "Why does she want to be with me?" You need to have this self-confidence that you are this awesome amazing person and of course he wants to be with me because I am one of a kind, I am special. You have your own unique qualities that he loves about you. You doesn't want to lose you, by what you told me about him being at your door. He cares about you, there is no one else for him. Some one calling him when your out to dinner that could be a business call. You have to trust him and trust that this relationship will work. You need to trust him and not let these trust issue become a problem in the relationship. He is with you and wants to be with you because you are you. Ask him what he thinks about you, I bet he could tell you so many reason why you and him are together. Open your heart and trust. Love each other and enjoy each others company. You will begin to see that he loves you and you are what he wants in his life.
I don't think he is a player. I believe that he meets a lot of people not just women. How about we ask this question. How many men are in his network? He is someone that travels so he is going to have a lot of colleagues. After he comes home from traveling, he comes home to the woman he loves and that is you. Lets look at it this way, there is only one woman in his life and that is you. Some times people meet through work and maybe these women searching for him just wanted to know him because they liked him. But it doesn't mean there is anything going on. I believe this relationship has a strong connection. I want you to trust him and open your heart up to fully loving him. I don't want you to love with half of your heart I want you to love with all your heart.
So the confusion continues.... Since we last spoke, everything seemed on the upswing. While he's been away he's been very warm and demonstrative. Phone calls, text messages, etc. all very positive. Then, yesterday, it seems like it all changed...AGAIN! I'm afraid that since he's traveling home today and knows he'll have to deliver on the sentiments and plans he put forth while he was away, that he's going to do the pull-back again. Yesterday morning, he called and said that he was really looking forward to seeing me when he gets home... good. Then, I texted him that I 'can't wait'. Then, never heard from him again. So, I popped off another text saying, 'counting down... miss you'. Nothing. This is not typical for me as I don't usually reach out to him like this, but I figured that since he seemed to be in a better place I should reciprocate. Then yesterday evening I get this text from him, "Yo Lay Hi Hoooo". ????? I answered, ' are you hammered and having a good time?', Nothing. Then I left him a vm saying I just wanted to say hi and hoped he was having fun. Then, he called before I went to bed and the conversation was very benign... He said he went for Thai food with his friends and had some MaiTai's. I get the feeling he was partying with women. I could be wrong, but he's done it before. Now I'm confused again and bracing myself for disappointment when he gets home. The last few days he was missing me so much, planning trips with me and I was 'Sweetie", now I can feel the total Peter pull-back coming and I know I will be crushed....again. I love this man... He continues to promise a future together. He can't be permitted to play ping-pong with my hopes and feelings. I'm scared now....
I was just thinking there has to be something that would make him open up and drop his walls. We know he reacts to you pulling away and he quickly opens up cause he doesn't want to lose you. But there has to be another way to get him to express himself without feeling like your leaving. He needs to be reassured that you are not leaving and that you want to be able to express yourself without him pulling away.
True... But I have yet to figure out what this is. When you come up with an idea, let me know. lol.
He has to come to this on his own. I think what did it last weekend was that I listened to him talk about his frustrations and hurt relating to his divorce and separation from his children. I then opened up and related some of what I felt about the same issues. He said he really enjoyed taking to me and that he was glad he was with me. The next morning he didn't want to leave... he knew he wasn't going to see me for a week. 10 min later, He texted me an I love you, then called and said he missed me already. I thought, FINALLY.... maybe we're getting somewhere....Then all the texts and sentiments while he was away made me feel like it was legit. My belief is that every time he feels like I'm going to have expectations of the relationship, he bakcs off. He once told me that it was so mice to be in a relationship with me because there were no 'forced expectations'. This is total guy BS. After a year of dating and being in a relationship, who wouldn't have expectations? I think he's stringing me along sometimes because he will keep things this way as long as possible so he doesn't have to make good on all of his words and promises.
If he pulls this pull-back tonight it's going to be a huge challenge not to become totally discouraged and try to handle it in a new and different way.
You're right. He landed at 3:41 and called me at 4:19 and said he wants to see my face. Maybe he was just tired yesterday. From the tone of the phone call it didn't seem as if he was backing off.
I will try and do what you suggest. It's hard... we've both been burned and betrayed by the people who were supposed to love us the most.... It's terrifying to put yourself out there again.
Thank you for listening and all your great advice....