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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have been in a unhealthy relationship (with Brian) for many

Resolved Question:

I have been in a unhealthy relationship (with Brian) for many years, have two children with him. We were once married for less than a year, nut have been on and off for the past twenty years. I have left many times before, even married someone else for a short time but I come back to him. He always becomes mean, controlling, abusive (emotionally and some physically) He is an alcoholic. So anyway 2 months ago I told him I was done, can't do this anymore, not in the best interest of our kids for me to stay with him.......I spoke with an attorney Monday this week about what I can do----Brian comes home last night and says I have been overreacting, he is sorry for the way he has been treating me, he will quit drinking. My question is do I actually givr him another chance? Or should I just be done with him? He messes with my head and I end up second guessing myself constantly. Please advise
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

What you need to look for here is whether or not Brian is willing to get help and deal with his alcohol use and his treatment of you.

 

Does Brian acknowledge that he is an alcoholic? That is a very important first step. Once he can admit he abuses alcohol, he is no longer in denial and is most likely open to getting treatment. However, if he goes to treatment just to get you back, then he probably is not serious and will repeat his mistakes.

 

You may also want to talk to at therapist about what you have gone through with Brian and why you feel the need to go back after you leave. You may have some co dependency issues. Try talking with your doctor for a referral or if you attend church, your pastor can help. You can also search on line for a therapist at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

With the help of a therapist and alcohol treatment, the two of you could stay together and work on having a good marriage.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

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