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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am 39 yrs old woman who met a man 42 yr old man

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I am 39 yrs old woman who met a man 42 yr old man on a dating site a month ago. He is divorced and has a 5yr old girl he has every other weekend. We communicated for 3 weeks and really clicked. He was very affectionate and forthcoming in how he felt about me and was eager to meet. I felt comfortable with him and thought he was being sincere. We finally had a 1st date and sparks flew - we both decided to be exclusive. The 2nd date he gave me a sweet card expressing how much he thinks about me all the time. At dinner that evening, he said he loved me. I was taken back, it was great to hear, but questioned the sincerity since it was so soon. I have been w/ men that prematurely say they love me and then end up breaking my heart. He was so excited next day and we saw each other that evening, which was last Wednesday. It went well and we were physically intimate - he spent the night. He said he was looking forward to spending this past weekend together, I was just as happy about it. He ended up
being sick w/ strep throat and we didn't each other over the weekend. i was very understanding and patient. He kept saying he was sorry he ruined the weekend plans and would make it up to me. We texted everyday and talked on phone every night over the weekend. He said he feels so much better today. I guess I am really surprised he hasn't taken the initiative to make plans to meet this week, knowing we won't see each other this weekend since he has his little girl. He's been verbally affectionate with me for several weeks now, which I love and embrace. He said he doesn't want to hold
back w/ me cause it feels great. But, have noticed the romantic verbal affection lessen since he said he loved me last Monday.. I am trying not to over think things and going w/ the flow, cause he was sick. He owns a mortgage company with a partner and from what he tells me, he goes to the office everyday. He sent me a text early this afternoon saying he was closing a deal in Chattanooga,TN at 6:30pm. It's is an hour drive from where he lives. I was at work went he sent me the text and responded that   I was excited for him. But, I didn't think to ask for additional details because I just assumed we'd text & talk in the evening, like we have every day for over a week now. The last text I received from him today was @ 1pm saying he was thinking about me. I responded with the same sentiment. He said he was leaving for Chattanooga at 4pm, so I sent another text wishing him a safe ride and lots of luck on closing the deal. I am very surprised that I have heard from him :( He has not gone more than a few hrs in texting me since we met and he has called me every night before bed. He told me he has his cell phone w/ him at all times in case there is an emergency with his daughter. I know we only know each other for a little over a month. But, this man has been very patient and attentive, communicating with me for 3 weeks before meeting in person. We communicated the entire week I was on vacation, which was the week before we met in person. He said the 'L' word last Monday on our 2nd date., and gave me a card saying he has thought about me everyday. I was scared because it seemed so soon and was concerned it was just infatuation. I was scared because few men I dated in the past had prematurely said they loved me. But, i embraced it because I felt it, too. We both committed to being in an exclusive relationship.. I don't know why I haven't heard from him since 1pm... I trust people until they give me reason not too. I haven't put any demands on him. He has willing initiated contact on his own. He has said all along how important communication is, as it is to me. I am disappointed he didn't consider my feelings. Am I overreacting ?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Did I answer your question before. Just don't want to do the wrong thing. L>et me know and I will proceed
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No. It includes a circumstance that occurred yesterday .. I amI seeking guidance , 1104.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Okay good. Try to be patient because this is so new. You really don't have his habits down yet and it may be a very innocent problem. He has given all signs that he is embracing this new relationship so let him work out the kinks. If he has been verbal about his feelings, I really don' t think that this recent lapse in time is that big a deal. Try to wait it out and I bet he has a reasonable explanation
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Understandable.. In normal circustances I wouldn't think much about it, since it is so new. But, he's excellerated things by his words and his actions, it's difficult not to notice the change. I has caused me to pull back, too. I don't want to let my past haunt me, but this has happened to me before.. The guy went too fast at the beginning and it wasnt guenuine. I am a hopeless romantic and get sucked in easily. I'm just afraid of getting hurt and getting taken advantage of. Should make a comment about getting no response to my texts sent at 4pm yesterday and not hearing from him last night? I haven't seen him since last Wednesday, so I was disappointed not to hear from last night. Should he know how I feel Or should I let it go? I know patience is important :) guess I'm asking for suggestions in how to handle or communicate when things seem off in a relationship so they don't get in the way of progress..
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic. It's okay to be afraid of getting hurt.I would let him know you miss and worry about his pulling back but don't push. Sort of say something like - Just wanted to know how you are and miss hearing from you. Please respond. And that's it. No more. I would let that determine whether to let it go. If you are not getting your needs met, than do what you feel is best. Don't get wrapped up in this just yet. If he responds nicely then you have planted a seed that you like contact. The ball is in his court now. Behave accordingly
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