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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi, i was with my girfriend for 6months when we i was 19 and

Customer Question

Hi, i was with my girfriend for 6months when we i was 19 and she 17, it didnt work out so good because she was a little immature and quite spoilt and selfish from her upbringing. we ramained in contact as good friends and only turned to eachother when things were getiing us down, we also had some times when we slept togeter. we both had other things with people nothing big or important. anyway now i am 23 and her 21, i worked away international for a while (she wanted to pursue a caertain career which i helped with and didnt happen for her i kinda knew it wasnt for her, so suggested she might like to be a teacher of children its her sort of thing) so she has been doing that and in university. We remained it touch and her family in mutual nice contact with me. I went home from working 6 months ago and we immediately hit if off, everyything good and perfect and familys great, very minor indifferences but nothig bad of the sort, as usual we went out and lots of time together and shared everything about echother, just realy good for both and fell in love. 4 months passed perfect through xmas and birthdays and valentines, cards presents hotels and and jewelery and things, i did everything for her and always there to talk or help. she spoke about marriage and the future and the kind of timescales she would like to see happen and always looked ahead and chatted excitedly about us, she even thought about childrens names, nothing serious just what she wanted with me, i was happy and said yeh sure because i would like that too and could provide all that and the best for her. we understood she was in uni and work and gym, and i was still in work in the uk but on call to fly off at anytime. i got the call to leave for 8weeks, we had three weeks to together more all again stayed perfect and we got everything sorted for communication and things while i was away and talked alot about what we could do and to get through the distance, all ok. ive now been away for 5 weeks, brilliant, lots of talking texting and video calls, she round at my familys and shopping with them, her family in contact with me and keeping her busy, she couldnt wait to talk everyday and sometimes cryed and felt down after drinking or maybe a stressfull day in uni, we both wre a bit down for a few days....normaly we would sit toigeter and talk and cheer up at home, but im away. things alryt again, SO... just last week out of the blue she says she wants time to fugure herself out and everytjing and needs to miss me again, she said she loves me and never wants anyone else and this is not to break up otr to see anyone else. so i was immediately shocked and her family was too, many arguments and texts for a few day with me and her family to try and get to the bottom of how things suddenly changed, her family on contact with me and they were baffled but thought its because im away and she should be fine if she just has a little time. i admit i tryed to chase her for about two-3 days, on a scale in intese i was about 7 out of 10, calls, texts, reviewing everything, asking questions, saying sorry, etc, she said she needs to grow as a person and she has a 3month trip coming up in a america in 2 months to keep organising and has uni work to do, and works and gos the gym, and she doebt feel like she can please me or keep me happy and miss me while shes concentrating on them things and while she gos away. all this is while she was allover the place not knowing her feelings. we never called eachother anything bad or had any bad words, she then said its finished she just wanted time but now its over, were finished, she feels selfish and doesnt feel like she appreciates me, she dont love me, she doent fancy me and shes never coming back, she said these things whilst crying and remained nice to me saying sorry and that she never wanted to and never planed to ever hurt me and i never did anything wrong. her family emailed me, her mum who she is close too said she doenst know whats happened and is on my side of this and feels sorry for me stuck away on my own, she thinks if she had time things would be fine, so i havnt been in contact with my girlfriend her for 4 days, nothing at all., and her mum said shes KNOWS that my girl will be in touch and she knows her daughter has always loved me. i do understand that she has had a few nights out (a little different to her normal daily life) and that she has removed me as a friend on facebook and removed people who are connected with me and has added other guys. meanwhile ive been in bits realy upset and finiding it tough not contacting her, i kinda know she will miss me because everything was just so good and she said i was her best friend and soulmate and things, whats going on? will she come back? is she missing me? should i try contacting her and say what? help! ............also she has booked the weekends off work for when im due back to spend time with me and have our own weekend away, and work wanted me to stay away for 12 weeks but i said no and only doing 8weeks so i could be at home to attend a wedding ceremony of her uncle, she wears my new clean work t-shirts at the gym and around the house, and ive been paying her phone contract bill once while ive been away and provided funds for her visa for america and a couple of other things. her mum has also mentioned in emails that she is still a little immature for her age and can come across as a spoilt bratt sometimes. the type or girl she is....shes lovely with everyone, does nice things, can get moody or down sometimes, she has certain standadrs and doesnt mix with bad people she has mentioned sometimes she is a little insecure, shes not the type who gos out clubbing all the time, she likes movies and staying in and stuff, she values her friends and family alot, she also made a huge effort to get to be ggod friends with my mum and the rest of my family, she always said she was happy and everything was good and just what she wanted and always talked of the future! nothing for 4 days now!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Don't assume the worst just yet. There could be reasons for this lack of contact. I understand you need closure. Sometimes relationships even the best ones cannot survive a distance relationship or one in which someone is immature. You have exhausted the methods of contact at this point so no one knows the outcome. However she may be collecting her thoughts and will explain. No one knows what this means and for how long so you have to be patient. Don't chase. It won't help. She may very well be missing and just needs a chance to think. If you don't hear anything after a few more days then continue your search through email and texts
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

more help!! it wasnt her who didnt contact me she asked me not to so i havnt for 5 days now today, her mum sent another email 2 days ago saying shes ok and i should give her time still and that shes going the gym alot more than usual so she thinks she could be missing me and just filling up the void space.

 

i contacted her today, heres the messages....what do you think?? texts were alot shorter and text abbreviated.

 

ME hello kel, how are you and things? Could you possibly do me a tiny little favour please? could be potentially lucrative for you! Cool x

 

HER What is the favour?

 

ME Good to hear your ok and things are well?? i remember its that centre parcs trip coming up this weekend, im sure u made that uni work excuse to not go but if your going i hope you have a great time, youve been working hard in the gym so go show them what you can do, be the best and stay safe! Right, my little favour is, would you allow me to transfer £40 to you and then you go to the shop please and buy me 20 euromillions luck dips(or you could pick some of your favourite lucky nubers if you want) the draws tomorrow night and its a massive 51million to win and its got my name on it ha! i want it! you'l get your share obviously! can only buy tickets in europe and im in stuck here in dubai. then wait, cross your fingers legs arms toes even go crosseyed but dont be cross with me haha! had news the last few days my trip here and things next month have changed!x

 

HER No i cant sorry, get someone else to do it. im busy tonight and in university all day.

 

ME Ok no worries, can do it tomorrow if you want i think you have up until 7pm?! i so want to win it! So how are you feeling? Friends?

 

HER I cant im busy. i have 4 assignments in the next 2 weeks so im busy. yeah im fine.

 

ME oh ok wow yes you are busy good luck with all that work! il get the lottery sorted sumhow, if i win you can have a share then you'l smile haha! if you need help with anything while your busy or want to chat or a break im here kelly just let me know, want you to know i miss you and love you. Do you want time kelly??? hope you have booked your appointment for the embassy in london, for america, its the most important thing, i had to do mine here the other day. I looked at the chanel perfume that you like the other day, had your smell, so nice!x

 

HER Ok no i want to be on my own, for the final time im not saying it again. Speak to you soon.

 

ME Wasnt going to text you back, i was and am going to wait for the 'speak to you soon' dont mean to interrupt you. i just recieved an email, the new apple ipad2, immediately thought of you star, it would be ideal for your trip to america, its light small powerful gota 10hr battery life, does that facetime thing with your iphone4 so you can keep in touch woith your family, music, movies, internet, skype, games, emails and much more, perfect to keep with you, would you like one? it out the end of march, have a think. sorry!Surprised

 

HER No

 

 

 

 

 

..........................................................well whats going on? we was very close and she loved me to bits and wanted me (she said needed me ion her life), her valentines card to me was 2 pages long!! i do know that she is also a bit immature but does try not to be, shes stubborn and quite hard faced at times, and was always spoilt growing up its just in her nature.

 

5 days i made no contact, waste??? whats next?? has she gone?

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
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