Thank you for your swift reply.
I would like to point out that she did turn down couples counselling but she said she wouldn't mind going to see a counsellor on her own. She's a very shy and indecisive person in general and she finds it difficult to make decisions on her own. In my opinion she sees everything as black and white and there is always a right and a wrong for her or always someone has to be at fault. She keeps telling me that she doesn't know what the right thing is for her to do in our case and that nothing satisfies her at the moment could that really be the case?
What exactly is a "personality disorder" and could that be the reason for her indecisiveness?
If you could please give me some ideas as to how I should approach this from now on (without couples counseling) I would very much appreciate it.
This morning I told her very calmly and politely that tonight I need her to tell me what she wants because I'm hurting - i.e. if she wants us to both try and work things out or if she can't do that to break up. Is 'forcing' her to come up with an answer the right thing to do or shall I take a different approach?
Last night we had the conversation again and to cut a long story short she told be she cannot break up with me, she said she simply cannot do it.
I personaly think that the problem we are having is that she simply cannot let go of the past and the mistakes that we both made - she keeps mentioning to me that I have been pushy and she finds it difficult to believe that I can change my behaviour (when I was getting very angry and losing my temper before). I have re-assured her several times that I've learned from my mistakes and I am a better and more mature person now but she keeps telling me that she is afraid that what is happening now will happen again and again in the future and she doesn't want that. She keeps dwelling on past mistakes although I repeatetly said that this situation will only make us stronger and the likelihood is that we will not make the same mistakes again if we both try and communicated more effectively. Every time I say to her now that we both know what our issues are and now that we opened up to each other let's both try to see what happens she keeps telling me that we have tried several times but it didn't work although the previous times we didn't know what the problems actually were, we were arguing all the time without knowing what the problems were.
I really love her and she is a big part of my life and I don't want to give up easily. I genuinly believe things can get better for both of us. This is the first long term relationship for both of us (I'm 29 she is 24) and she finds it difficult to understand that all couples go through these stages and it's impossible not to have disagreements and argue sometimes.
I don't know if all this makes sense to you but please help!
One final think.
Is what we are going through common for couples in long term relationships?
Thank you for your support.