Please clarify this -" her mother was interfearing to the point of telling her what to do. she divorced her husband and had an affair with a married man. it ended. she said he was her soulmate. even after we were engaged."
Was she seeing someone else while she was dating you?
This is just an outsiders view point -
If you contributed more to the relationship, it may be possible that she was using you. You may have become her codependent and she might as well have taken advantage of it even if the sexual intimacy/chemistry was good. She could have been emotionally distant-never truly investing herself in the relationship.
If she allows her mother to control her adult life, that is a red flag. Regardless of her having a depressive disorder such as bipolar, she can still decide whether or not to listen to her mother;s advice. Unless she agrees with her mother or her mother has some sort of power over her and is emotionally black mailing her, the two of you could have sustained your relationship.
As far as hope- there always is hope if she acts independently from what others tell her and as long as she loves you and as a result of it is ready to make changes within herself. Past behavior usually is a decent predictor of future behavior.
Try to move on and do what is better for you this time. You already gave and gave in the past. Give some peace to yourself now and find someone who would love you back and give you something back in return. It takes both partners to make a relationship work.
Hello and thank you for your question.
I understand how you are feeling heartbroken and confused about what has happened here. What you need to really understand is that this woman has made several poor judgment calls that have resulted in a fairly chaotic life. Whether this is due to her mother's meddling, her own emotional instability or mental health issues, etc. the fact is that she really is not in a position to be a good partner to anyone at this time. She first needs to get herself together and her life functional, before she could be giving to you (or anyone else).
So, what would be most helpful for you is to look into why you chose this person as a potential partner with all of these red flags waving directly in front of you.
There is a good book I would recommend you read called Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. You can purchase it an amazon.com. It talks about when someone gets so involved with taking care of someone else (who has lots of problems) that your own needs and wants are completely neglected. You want to be sure that you don't repeat this pattern.
I agree with Dr. Rossi that it's up to you, to ultimately find your peace, and to find a partner who is able to both receive AND give. I would encourage you to heal your broken heart by staying active, exercise, being social and eventually dating others. No contact with this woman is a beneficial thing for you.
Move forward from this and take it as a valuable lesson. I wish you the best. Please click ACCEPT button for this answer, so I'm credited for my time. Thank you,
Okay, well it's understandable that you will miss certain good parts of her, and of this relationship. It's also good to be committed to a cause, etc. but only if the other person is also committed to improving and working on themselves. You don't her to become your project to fix.
You sound like a very caring and giving person who has alot to offer. Basically this is about finding someone who will appreciate you and also someone who is ready for a healthy relationship.