Should I try and engage in general conversation?
Should I ask what he is feeling
He keeps sighing, looks awful, can't sleep, drinking and smoking too much
We always used to enjoy watching University Challenge on TV together. It is about to start and he informed me he finds it smug and irritating much like everything else but he spends hours on computer playing pretend cricket. Also goes to football.
Just one last thing. If I describe how he is can you tell whether you think he is depressed even though he saya not.
Says he is a f**ked up person
Only work defines him
Canot love me enough - might hurt me again - has been thinking this for a while, not sure he ever loved me - I deserve better than him
Doesn't care about the children (two adopted in their twenties one at home one at uni)
Doesn't need any friends (indeed doesn't have any) as everyone is facile and uninteresting
Can have chat with acquaintances in pub or after football
Can put on act for work colleagues
Only likes reading, internet cricket and watching football
No enjoyment in anything else even thingd he used to like doesn't now and in fact seems to hate a lot
Just wants to be on his own
Drinks and smokes heavily - at least bottle of wine or three large spirits every day usually more
Problems sleeping solidly
Sometimes doesn't wah for a few days although does clean teeth
No initiative to do anything at home like take rubbish out, wash up his breakfast things
Can barely bring himself to say hello, goodbye to me
Can't look me in the eye
If I speak to him seems to pretend to be surprised and might mutter back, such as me - do you want a cup of tea either just a no or ok then and no thanks
Says the marriage counselling is rubbish
On Friday in session things seemes so promising and then tow days later all this. He said there that he did love me perhaps not as much as ever but would realy make an effort to connect and do things. Last time he was away he said he looked forward to coming home and always had.
Could he be being so obnoxious that he is waiting for me to explode and say I don't want this or as I suspect he is so depressed that he can't motivate himself to try or doesn't know what he wants.
As things seemed to be going well we (yes him too) asked four friends to supper on Saturday, day before he goes back to Kenya - I feel we need to have talked before this happens