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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My story is pretty long would you be willing read so I could

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My story is pretty long would you be willing read so I could get an accurate answer?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
If you are willing to follow the guidelines of Just Answer I will read
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Of course it's only $12! Here's my story... Wink


See, I met this girl at work back in May 2003. Her name is Gloria. She was doing some community service hours at my job on Vermont and Santa Monica here in Los Angeles CA. At a thrift Store owned by the AHF. I was fixing the books on the bookshelf when and out of nowhere my manager Linda introduces me to a female community service worker. She says to me Mikel this is Gloria she is going to be doing community service here. I honestly was speechless as to how beautiful she was, green eyes, beautiful smile and seemed very nice. 50 hours or so was what the court assigned her for driving on the carpool lane. Linda assigned her to work in the back of the store with me and some other co-workers. I, started off with just helping her learn the system in the store. How we hang up the clothing and what not. That led to talking and joking around and getting to know each other. She was 29 and I was 23. Though she looked no older than 22. She loved electronic music as I did too. I told her that I use to D.J. at a big club in Hollywood CA. She was ecstatic about that. So the days went by and she kept on coming to do her hour and we kept on getting along. Her due date by the court was coming up. So after 2 months of talking and joking around and getting to know each other in personal level. I finally one day built up enough courage to ask her for a favor. If she could come over to my PARENTS house where I lived, so that she could di my hair for an upcoming gig I had. She obviously said yes as we both enjoyed each other's presence.

That Thursday I came to work and she showed up a little passed 5pm. Since I did not have my driver's license. She drove us to my house. Where she met mom, dad, my brothers, my grandmother and my dog "Toro." Bull in English. She died my hair blond and we flirted a whole lot that day. So to thank her I asked her on a date. Her last day was tomorrow as she would be completing her hours. So I knew that I needed to make my next move. I really enjoyed talking to her and working with her and from what it seemed she felt the same too. So naturally she said yes.

The next day on a Friday on my day off. I bought her roses and I went to work to meet with her. She drove us on our date that night (I paid of course). "In and Out" and "Bad Boys part two" was the way it went down that night. That was enough for a second date at the beach. One thing led to another that night. We ended up having a beautiful night on that lonely Santa Monica beach. I asked her to be my girlfriend, she was hesitant to say yes, as she too was coming out of a bad relationship, but she eventually gave in.

So that was the beginning of a beautiful relationship that lasted 3 years and 6 months. She would always spend the night over my at my house and I would spend the night at hers as she lived by herself in her small apartment. Somewhere in between Santa Monica and Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. I lived a little closer to Downtown L.A. She got really close with my mom and grandmother. She got along great with my family as I did with hers, when we visited them in Burbank. So it was a great relationship. The sex was really good and we were always together whether in person or on the phone. We took trips to Las Vegas, to Anaheim, to the Zoo. To the beaches all over California. Picnics, clubs museums, parks and her favorite BARS. We even lived together for about 2 months.

From what I hear people say is that girls like to be around people who they consider to be just like themselves. She use to hang out the clubs back in the day and go to the bars with her friends. Who enjoyed their freedom almost as much as those the stupid girls from the "Sex in the City." Which just happened to be one of her favorite shows.

We did a whole lot together and we always had fun whenever we did. Even when we had nothing to do or talk about, we always had fun. She began too, in my heart become more than just a girlfriend she became my best friend. I told her everything that was on my mind. From my true thoughts, to my true feelings. To what I really felt about life. She too told me everything . So it was great friendship/relationship for the first 2 years and 9 months, day at her apartment she approached me and told me "Mike I was thinking that maybe we could try and connect on a spiritual level more. Instead of having sex all the time." I really didn't think nothing of it, except that maybe she was testing me. I thought she felt I was with her only for the sex. So I said yes. "I think it's an okay idea." I told her. Only because I knew that she would eventually give in and have sex again and again. But that day never came. We would take showers together like always but we wouldn't have sex. We slept together and gave me occasional "job" but wouldn't let me have vaginal with her anymore. I loved her so much that it didn't matter to me . Just as long as I with her.

Two years and six months into the relationship we both got new jobs. She got one working with the Chamber of Commerce and I got one with Warner Brothers Records Only 10 minutes away from each other. We where both making a little more money. Her more than me. Which is something she always talked about. Making more money. It was always important for her to make a lot of money . My question to that was why was she with me if I wasn't making that much? I made 5 dollars an hour less than she did. So one day, out of the blue, she tells me that because of her sister (who by the way had 3 kids at the age of 23, all with the same guy) introduced her to a priest at her Catholic church. She began to have a little soul searching. He gave her some advice on our relationship. Which I really had no idea needed any therapy. She told me that the priest told her, that she needs to realize that loving someone for how they treat you is more important than how much money that person makes. She said to me that she took the advice. That she would follow it because it was the right thing to do. I was surprised, I really had no idea that was a huge issue for her.

One day out of the blue we got into an argument, which honestly was very rare for us. It was actually over something stupid that I can't recall. I think something of the likes of me moving in with her. But we really got mad about it this time. Not like our other arguments that would last only a few hours. It lasted for about 3 days. So the fourth day at work right before lunch break she calls me at the Mail Center and she asked me what where my plans for lunch. I said I had nothing to do. She asked if we could meet at the Poquito Mas at 12pm. So I agreed and we met up, she looked a little different like she gained a little weight from her face. I didn't say anything, We talked about everything, but our problems. Within that conversation she tells me that she's going to be doing a favor for a friend (Shirley). See Shirley and her, around the last few months of the relationship began to hang out very often. So she tells me that she's going to be dropping her friend off at the Union Train Station. I had no problem with it just as long as she calls me when she gets home. We always had the habit of calling each other every night before we went to sleep. So she said she would call me as soon as she gets back from dropping off Shirley at the train station. So that night I stayed up watching a basketball game. I laid down in my bed with my room phone next to my pillow. I fell to sleep. I woke up around 10:30 p.m. and I looked at my caller I.D. on that January 24th 2007 and I had no missed calls. So naturally I was worried about Gloria.

I picked up my phone and dialed her cell phone number. She picked up and in the background I could hear a crowd. I asked her where she was and if she was okay. She tells me "Mike I'm at a bar with my friends, I have something to tell you I think it's better that we break up and I really don't want anything serious right now. I'm sorry." So then I tell her: "that's fine with me." Dignity was all that mattered at the moment. So I hung up on her. But I got so sad and my eyes began to water up. I got up and got dressed and rushed to my car . I drove to her apartment, where I waited and waited parked outside of her apartment for 45 minutes. I called my best friend at the time Leonard. He told me " Mike you should just go home get some rest, handle it later. You have work tomorrow . Go get some sleep." Deal with it tomorrow." So I took his advice and went home.

The next day at lunch break I called her and asked her if she meant everything she said last night. She stuck to her decision and said yes "I'm not changing my mind." So again It was all about dignity on my part. I played hard to get and ignored her. I didn't call her. I waited for her to call me. When she finally did call me, I cut her short and always said I had plans. One day she called me at work and asked me if I could do her a favor and pick her up from her job. That she had a mixer that night and her car was getting fixed by one of her dads friends. That she would be out at 8pm. I said no. But my heart got the best of me and I changed my mind very quickly and told her i would be there at 7:45p.m So I picked her up from her job. I drove her home that night. Where I can remember being a little bit of dick. I stopped the car in front of her house and didn't even say bye. I just said where here. She looked at me, and probably expected me to beg her for a kiss, but I didn't, she walked out and closed the door. It killed me not to kiss her. It always completed my soul every night to get a kiss from her.

One day she calls me at night and tells me that she's at the airport with some friends. I had no idea what she was doing their so asked her: "what are you doing their!?" She says: "I'm leaving to Las Vegas with Irene and her sister." I couldn't believe my ears. I was so sad and hurt. I couldn't believe she's leaving to Vegas without me. So I got mad and I told her to never call me again. I didn't bother to call her back. As she didn't bother to call me back. We didn't talk to each other for 1 whole month, but it was the first time in 3 years and 3 months that we didn't talk for that long. I was literally dying inside, I couldn't stop thinking about her I missed her so much.

So one day I went to a local flower shop on Sunset Blvd. I bought her 24 roses and had them delivered to her job. So later that day at work. She calls me to thank me and asked me if I wanted to go out with her. So I said yes. I told her I would meet her by the free way. So we both drove in our own cars to Big Boys Diner . Where we had dinner , I asked her about her family and she asked about mine. We had talked about nothing. I made her laugh (like always) only I tried harder. She naturally made me feel like I was in heaven, just by that look she gave me with her green eyes. We went out on several dates for a span of two months. I even ended up spending the night at her apartment a few times (but no sex).

I remember she told me one day that she needed time. That she wasn't sure if she wanted to be in a relationship yet. But she promised me that she would tell me when she was. This was after a date on the beach. I do remember her being stressed out with her job. She also complained about having to help her mom and step dad with the mortgage payments on their new home. They had purchased one with a variable rate.

I was hoping and expecting her to tell me that she wanted to get back together.

But that day never came.

So one day on a Sunday afternoon I went to get the occasional fade at Wendy's hair salon. Where my hairstylist began to give me the occasional bi weekly relationship advice. I told her what was taking place. That Gloria was beginning to fade away. Wendy tells me, "Mike when a girl acts the way your ex is. It's normally because they've met someone else." "Their mind is now distracted with someone new." "If I was you I would go around her apartment and just look around to see if anything suspicious is going on." So I was flared up, I ran to my car and drove to the 101 freeway. I rushed to her apartment. I gave her a few calls from my cell, but she didn't pick up her house phone. That's when I noticed her Toyota parked outside her apartment. I got suspicious. So I parked about few meters away from the apartment entrance. I swear, I felt something inside that I have never felt before. It said to stay away. But I ignored it. I walked towards her apartment. I made a right and then a left then a quick right . I walked up the first door step of her apartment and knocked.

That's when she open the white wooden door and stayed behind the black fenced one. She got nervous and her voice got shaky. She says: "hi Mike, what are you doing here? " I told her: " I came to see how you' re doing" "I haven't spoken to you in a few days, I was worried about you, can I come in?" She then says "I can't let you in my family is here." I knew now that what Wendy had told me was me was true. She did have another man. So I said "Oh that's cool, let me say hi to them! I haven't seen your parents in a bit." So she says, "Mike the truth is, It's a guy that I'm seeing." "Well not really seeing he's like a friend."

I got so mad I didn't even let her finish. I pushed the door open and inside where two guys. Two pretend gangsters, dressed up with their baggy pants and oversized shirts. I didn't expect to see that kind of garbage in her apartment. If anything it would be some sophisticated guy, since she considered herself to be so conservative, but two gangsters. What a joke! I got furious. I started calling Gloria a bitch and a slut, then I stupidly stepped inside her apartment and got into her face yelling at each other. One of those punks demanded that I not talk to her like that. I just ignored him and continued with the yelling. Facing her, and in the opposite direction of those two punks. I can remember looking at her in the eyes, as she began to give me this familiar look. The kind that would mean: lm arguing with you but I don't mean it.

When out of nowhere I got punched on my left cheek and then on my right cheek. I fell to the floor on my knees. I was hit by a cheap shot. So I stayed on my knees thinking to myself: "it's not worth it anymore, there's nothing for me here.. it's over." But it didn't change the fact that it was completely pathetic shot. I got up and went straight to her Computer Monitor and picked it up. I picked that thing up over my head and I was so ready to toss it at him, but she came over and scratched my wrist. So I put down the monitor and went hand to hand with the guy. That's when the other guy came in and they both ganged up on me. I couldn't remember anything after that.

The police officer helped me up off the ground. I started to spit out some dirt. He asked me if I was okay, I told him" I am fine" I asked him, where is the guy?" He tells that they ran off. I then I asked him if it was okay if I made a quick call. He said to please go inside the apartment as soon as I'm done. So I made two quick calls. One to my folks and the other to my friend. I told both of them what had just happened to me. They advised me to make a police report. I went inside the apartment where, one of the two officers told me: "okay what happened?" I told them," I came to see her and these two guys where here . So I was talking to her (I left out the part where I called her names) and one of them hit me." Then one of the officers says "You should go press charges." Then I told him: "but I came here, I should've not come here." He then responds: "But that doesn't give him the right to hit you." "Go press charges". So I glanced over at Gloria and she was dogging me. Then I said to the officers: "can I press charges on her?" They said "no." She gave me a shocked look when I said that. They also told me I should go see a doctor and have them look at my cheek bones, that they looked broken. So I painfully walked to my Honda and drove down to the police station a few blocks away from her apartment, and made a police report. I never followed up on it.

So I got home to the folks where my dad drove me down to the hospital and mom suspiciously stayed home. The doctors stitched me up, right above my left and right ear. Then they offered a psychiatrists, just in case I needed to talk to someone about what had just happened. I didn't take up the offer. When I got home my mom told me that she called Gloria. That Gloria was crying and she told my mom: "I told Mike that I didn't want to be with him anymore, but he didn't listen to me." "I told him I was with someone else." Which was a lie. My mom told me that she asked her why didn't you call me. I would've told my son to leave you alone. But she couldn't respond to that.

Five months went by and It was nearing the end of the year and my employment with Warner Brothers. I applied for a new higher paying job, partly because Gloria had always wanted a guy who made money and the other because I wanted to get as far away from her memories as possible. It was the beginning of the feelings that to this day I still have. The kind where you hate someone one moment and the other where you still love them. I remember on one occasion I went down to "Giamalas Subs." Only a block away from the Chamber, where she worked. I was driving with my co workers, when I remember looking over to the right. I noticed a beautiful girl on the side walk. I was about to say to the guys to check her out. But this wasn't just any girl it was Gloria. So I slowed down the car, and looked at her stare at my Honda. She looked so sad. Then she completely changed her body language and did a 360 and walked quickly back to her job. I kept driving after that. WHAT DID THAT MEAN?

I had got myself into a bad situation at my new job. I chose to resign, only after 6 months. I went back where it all started. The thrift store, owned by the Aids Healthcare Foundation. I was working the register one day. It was my second month back. Management was in the back working with some community service workers. I only had one helping me. He was fixing the clothing on the clothing racks. I noticed one of the mannequins was out of place. So I got up and walked over to the display window and began to organize it. I looked outside the huge window and noticed a cute girl walking from across the street into my job. I did a double take. Only to realize it was Gloria heading into my store.

She walked into my job. And reached the center of the store. She seemed like she came with a reason, she was looking at furniture specifically a small sofa. She asked the community service worker about something. (I later found it was about the price) I rushed right next to her. I left any evidence that I was working their again, by leaving my apron behind on the display window floor. I ran to the back and asked my manager if it was okay if he could stay in the front. I had told him who was there and he understood. Thirty minutes went by and I finally walked out and I asked my manager if she was still here. He said: "no I didn't even see her." So I asked the community service worker about what she had asked him. He said she only asked about the price on a piece of furniture and nothing about me. I asked him: "how long did she stay?" He said "about 30 minutes." That's a long time to be at thrift store and not buy anything.

I had gotten myself a pair of Laker tickets for dad and myself around November 2008. About 4 months after she had mysteriously shown up at my job. So I called in sick the next day. The following day I came back to work. My co worker (Javier) caught me off guard with what he said to me: "Mike, some girl came in asking about you." "She had beautiful green eyes and was wearing some tight jeans." "She came in and looked at some DVD's and came over to me and asked: does mike work here?" He then tells me that he answered "he does, but I don't think he will be showing up anymore, It's already 1 o'clock pm he would have been here already" He then said that she paid for the DVD's with a little discount that he gave her and left. I had him repeat that story more than hundred times, but I still I wasn't sure if he was telling me the truth. So I came up with a plan to confirm the truthfulness of the story. Two weeks later I showed up with about 6 pictures of different girls (including my ex girlfriend). I laid them on the counter for Javier to look at. And I asked him to point out the girl who came in asking about me. He looked at all the pictures and pointed out my ex girlfriend.

I did nothing about it. I let months go by and let them turn into a year . Until finally. My question for you which is this. About a month ago I was having a hard time sleeping because of my old pillows. So I decided to go to Target with my mom to buy some new ones. So as my mother and I got to Target we walked into the elevator going to the second floor entrance. As the elevator came to a stop. The doors opened... Right in front of us was my ex girlfriend Gloria standing their waiting to come in. I saw her standing their but I only saw her body and I didn't want to make eye contact with her or acknowledge her. So I passed right by her. I completely ignored her, but I was in shock I hadn't been this close to her since she came to the store. I noticed that she rushed into the elevator and quickly pressed the buttons. The elevator door closed almost in seconds. My mom told me that she made eye contact with Gloria and that she immediately panicked looked down and rushed into the elevator. Which is what I saw.

My question to you is why did she react like that? Because if she really wanted to talk she would have said something. But why did she get nervous? If someone's ex is completely over the other person than they should have no problem passing by them. She would have pass by me like if I wasn't there and not get nervous like she did. Or another possibility (if she was over the whole thing) she would've simply said: "hello, how are you?" But she didn't. Was it because it was the first time she had seen my mother since I got jumped at her apartment? I do still love her. But I'm caught in between the love and hate. Why do you think she reacted like that? Should I call her to find out? What should I do next?

Thank you so much for reading this I know it was along story! I hope you can help me... =(

Thanks again,

Mike G.

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I read your whole story and this has been a very chaotic relationship. Sometimes when things are that chaotic it is best to find peace in letting it go. You probably don't' want to hear that but it's the truth. It can be too addictive to participate in such intense highs and lows and these are both exciting and stimulating (but the lows are forgotten). Unfortunately with one comes the other - the assault. You are right about your last encounter. The opposite of love should be indifference but we can't really say how others should react. Everyone's different. But I guess the botXXXXX XXXXXne that you have to remember is who cares why she reacted that way. Don't use this as a reason to cause yourself more heartbreak. Let it go and don't' ask yourself anymore questions for your sake. It seems like a pattern where she reengages you with a little gesture and you start the roller coaster ride all over again, so use this as a brief moment in the need to forget. Sorry
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Instead of agreeing with the original answer given by another expert. How about maybe helping me out with a different detailed answer? Why did my ex show up to my job asking about me? Why would she react the way she did at the Target if she was over me? Why do I keep bumping into her? I do still love her and my heart belongs only to her. I really want to call her. But I don't know if it's a good idea.. Please give me a good answer not to call her or to maybe give her a call and possibly another chance.. =(
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I think you should do what your heart tells you to do. I know that isn't the specific choice, but it I really had feelings after so long for someone, I would call them. Otherwise you can't put aside these unresolved feelings that were probably peaked by her visit to your job. I can't think of any other reason why she would be there if not to resolve feelings of her own. Target is a bit puzzling. Maybe she is still hurt. Sometimes when we continue to feel emotional about a relationship we try to rekindle the relationship by going to whatever lengths. I don't know any other reason for coming to your job. With that said, make your own attempts to find out more about where she is emotionally. The worst case scenario is that she isn't interested. You have to ask yourself which is worse seeing her and she not being interested or not contacting her and always wondering. I would rather have my answer. You can't say keep bumping into each other because Target was probably an accident but her coming to your job should be reason enough to want your answer.
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