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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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So I met this girl in my math class. She was going to miss

Customer Question

So I met this girl in my math class. She was going to miss a class, and she gave me her number so I could tell her what we went over in lecture when she was absent. I texted her just so she would have my number also in case I lost it or whatever, and we started texting each other like crazy, she somehow found me on facebook by just my first name that same night I gave her my number, and I sent her around 1000 text messages that week. (technological romance :P) She just got out of a two year relationship with a guy, who was treating her badly. I got out early from work one day, and we met for lunch, ended up hanging out for four hours, with almost no awkward pauses in conversation. We both had classes in the afternoon, and went our separate ways. That night she ended up at my place and we watched Scrubs reruns on my DVR for three hours and talked nonstop. I honestly had no plans for this happening, but we ended up making out on my couch for about an hour and then slept together that night, and it was frikin earthshattering. She went home afterwards. Like I say, I did not plan on that going down, but it just happened.

Now she won't hardly talk to me. She said she doesn't want me to be a 'rebound.' She claims she wants to hang out some more, but keeps coming up with things that stop it from happening. And here I am, going through my daily routine in a sort of a surreal daze, can't seem to stop thinking about her. Maybe its just from the sex, but all I know is I'm so absent minded that I forgot my toolbox keys before coming to work one morning, and that's just an example. She says she thinks I'm great, and the feeling is mutual. I just need some input on the situation, what do you think? What should I do and say? Why do some women seem so attracted to morons over half decent guys like me?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like it could be a couple of things. One, she is being truthful and doesn't want the relationship to be ruined by the rebound effect. Two, she is scared and is afraid she will get hurt again and three, she has relationship issues and this is her normal behavior.

 

Without being able to talk with her, I am only taking a guess here. But it sounds like she may have gotten scared and decided that she needed to back off. You mentioned that you were very compatible and that everything happened very quickly. This may have played a big part in how she felt. She may also been embarrassed by her behavior and felt the need to move away from the relationship. It could have been an overwhelming experience and she needed time to think.

 

Most likely, the best bet in this situation is to let her know how you felt about being with her and that it was a great experience. Tell her that if she needs space, that you will back off but that you would like to hear from her when she feels up to it. Then leave her be. If she wants to continue the relationship, then she will contact you again.

 

Without knowing her, I am not sure of what issues she carries into her relationships. She could have just had a bad experience in her previous relationship, or she could have issues that will affect her relationships until she develops the insight to deal with them. There is no way to tell which is why giving her space will help. It will give you the answer you need to determine if the relationship will develop or not.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

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