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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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so now whats can I say to her after almost 10 months without

Customer Question

so now whats can I say to her after almost 10 months without texting ? how can I begin a conversation with her ? and what kind of things I should discuss with her to make everything clear ??
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
There isnt' a strict set of guidelines. Say what you feel is right but start slow. Ask her how she is doing. You will get a response that is either hot or cold and go from there. People are receptive for all kinds of reasons. She or he may be really happy to hear from you. Let the serious stuff go until the second exchange. Ask him or her whether they would like to be contacted again which give you a idea if they are interested. It is not what you say so don't be concerned. There's no rule against time if you hope to reconnect
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
so you mean that in the first conversation I should just ask her about "how its going with her " and later maybe the second or the third I should ask her about my feeling ??
Well I noticed that she is really shy , her eyes contact can tell .. when I see her from along distances she sees me but when we are close she dont look anywhere .. so is it right to tell her my feeling in a message or even to ask her out in a message ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

Absolutely. it give a shy person a way to feel comfortable when you are expressing yourself. I would ask her how she's doing and see how she feels about contacting her again. When you do, ask her

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have a question , how can I tell her that I love her in a way that she can give me an answer ?? did you understand what I mean ?
Ok while texting her again if I see her should I say something to her or just hi or .. what ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
The best and bravest way to find out what her feelings are is in person. Express your feelings and allow her to respond with her own thoughts. It is risky but if you want an answer you have no choice. Unless you want to play guesswork and rely on her actions. As far as texting, you can do this but you don't see her reaction and it's kind of the passive way out. If you don't go for it, you won't know
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
should I be different when I see her around than when I texting her , or just be the same ?? because if I tell her my feeling she will be more shier when she see me ..

ok what is the appropriate way to tell her my feeling , is it just I love you Or you are special to me Or I keep thinking of you ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I would lead off with I'm thinking of you because it's less threatening. You can decide how to proceed from there. If you say I love you first you leave yourself hanging out there in the wind. Start with "thinking" and then take it from there. That way you can also be yourself if you see her and it's not awkward
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Can you explain more please I didnt get what you are saying ?
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
The words "I love you" can be very strong and the other person can feel pressured. So if you led off with "I;m thinking of you" it is less threatening and you have a better chance of having a conversation - no pressure. If someone does feel shy or awkward there is that feeling of being uncomfortable when you see each other. There are no rules really; that's just from a therapist's opinion.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
when its better to ask her out and talk , before or after telling her Im thinking of her ??

*the last time I send her I message I said to her we should have dinner because I wana talk with her , she said she have work but maybe later ?? so is this a sign ?? since that I didnt talk with her ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Yes add your invitation in the text. This gives you the ability to speak at length with her in person. If she takes the offer, you know she is open to having a longer talk. It's okay that it's been awhile People get busy. Focus on making a date
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
please can you explain more ?? I need the last answer to be clear ,so I dont miss understand you ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I'm listening
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
What ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
What I meant was open up the communication with general comments like how are you doing. you can use this to see how she responds and if its positive follow up with an invitation (dinner, etc). Use the conversation or text as a progression and lead from saying hi to asking her out. Nothing is fool proof. But take a chance. If she is not saying no, I can't go then it really might be a work problem. She didn't shut you down! That's good. "thinking of you" is a favorite for a lot of women because it makes someone feel special
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Now I decided that the second time of the texting I will ask her out , but should I tell her how about having .... Or can you go on a date ?? which one is better??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
A date always has that personal touch to it. Anything you want to know should wait for the date. This would give you a chance to discuss back and forth. Wait until you can have an intimate conversation
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
so when its the right time to ask her for a date if I find her postive with me again ..
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Go for it. Let the anxiety go and reach out. If you are scared you may miss an opportunity. When you are both in a positive place, ask her for a a date.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
so I text her and she was really postive in her comments , so what should the second step be ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Text her regarding a nonthreatening date - coffee, lunch etc. This is the turning point! Go for it
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
what nonthreatening date mean ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I mean one without pressure - sort of casual. Not a formal date with a lot of commitment. Just something more relaxed - lunch rather than candlelight dinner
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
and this is the time to tell her my feeling ?? now when I ask her should I tell her we need to talk or just lets have .. ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I would leave it as let's do such and such. It's obvious you want to talk by the invitation
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
And it's ok to say let's have something in a message ?? and if she said she have work what my respond should be ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Yes. If she has to work, the last thing you should do is overreact especially if you think it may be true. Be understanding and give her the option of picking the date and time. That will help to make her feel comfortable
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
*so if she said i have work , I either say next time or let her decide , right ??
*Now do you think after all of this she thinks that Im treating her special and maybe love her , Im asking you about my whole case , what do you think ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

Yes. It allows her to give suggestions too. "Maybe next week" etc.

 

I think you come across as a very sensitive guy who isn't into being pushy or aggressive. That's a good quality to have. it's refreshing to hear someone want to pursue a relationship without taking things for granted. Hang in there

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Are you talking about me or about her in the previous comment ??

what do you think about her ?? After 10 months without speaking with her and seeing her around without any reaction and when I text her again she said that She didnt heard from me for a while , and we talked like nothing happened .. If I made a mistakes in the prevouis times I dont want to repeat those mistakes ...
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Don't worry. I meant that your text should be inviting but not pushy. Like you said let her give part of the invitation. Like offering to have dinner if she says she has to work. The exchange between the two of you can now take a healthy turn. You won't repeat mistakes. You are just resuming contact and are extending an invitation. The time isn't important . You will know if she is receptive. Don't obsess. If she is ready she is ready
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
How to ask for nonthreatening date ?? " the perfect way " ..
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
ask for date in a way without pressure. "How about coffee when you are not busy; say next week" You can make up your own.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I asked her out for a coffee and she says . yes .. so what I should disscuss with her ??
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You can discuss what makes you happy but not so much like "I love you etc". Let her know you are interested but not too much pressure. Share your interests, things you are involved in, what you do for a living, qualities that you look for etc
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
hi , so I went with her to a coffee and we talked I tell her in different ways that I love her and I'm thinking of her and she is special and different than all the girls .. she was really busy and I knew that from her at the coffee , next week is really busy for her although she came to the coffee .. Now what next what should I do ?? I didnt tell her I love you .. but I let her know that she is special ..

Now her birthday is XXXXX 2-15 and valentine in 2-14 , should I do anything with this ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Go for it. Get her a small but thoughtful gift. She will be touched. Find a gift that is special to her and offer it at another intimate date like this one. Make a date around her schedule
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
so the gift is for her birthday not for the valentine , right ?
should I give her the gift in the second date , or by meeting her around ?
Now I wanna know is the coffee invation was a date ?
Now in the coffee I didnt tell her I love you as I mentioned , but she was quiet I even didnt touch her or kiss her , so next time should I do these stuff ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I would give the gift for her birthday on the second date so you can exchange talk or even on the first if it isn't too expensive. The coffee is a way to get together. Not exactly a date in the traditional sense but a way of getting together. If she agrees it could be a date. No touching etc until you know where you stand or if she will see you again. Too awkward for first meeting
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
so is it ok to give her the gift even not in the same day of her birthday ??

Now the second time I will ask her out , how I will ask her ? should I tell her a date or not ??

and yes should I tell her I have a gift for you , or when we have the second meeting or date ??

** Is it ok to ask her even by messages that does she feel comfortable when we meet or when were are out ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Absolutely. Let her know she is special on her birthday. Yes tell her it is a date. Then there is no misunderstanding. Show up to meeting with gift. Women like that. Leave messages as reminders of you. Not too mushy but messages
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
so I will send her a messages telling her how about going in a date , and I will give her the gift in this date ??
* No problem telling her to go in date by texting ?? the first time I text for the coffee went great , so is this time the same ??
(you mean a message with the gift )??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You can send message or invitation anyway you like. When you meet then do gift. If things went well before you can take it a step a further now. Just be brave and go for it. She will probably be touched
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
can you explain with more details ??please ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Trust your instinct Use your good meeting to kick off another interaction (text, phone); be nice and let her know you enjoyed yourself. meet up for lunch and as you are talking compliment her and give her gift. Compliment her on something and let her know she is special.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
and I will tell her in a date ?? I need the things to be clear to me .. I dont want to wait more time ..
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Yes tell her in a date. Tell her she is special and you enjoyed your time together when you see her. Start off with texting her to make plans. Don't stress so much. Let some of it come natural. Start by texting or calling today (and maybe wish Happy Valentines' Day) and making plans. If you get together, tell her you enjoy time together and give gift. Let everything go from there. Here's your opening today
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I send for her " Happy Valentines' Day " , how was your day and she didn't answer me ?? Isn't that weird ?? .. I don't know why I think she is not clear . She don't give you a direct thing ?? what do you think ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
That is weird. I would just communicate as much as makes you happy but find out why he didn't answer. Play like you don't know, and text her today asking if she got your message. It may be something innocent. This does send mixed signals
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
you mean I should tell her I would just communicate as much as makes you happy .. and I should tell her did you get my message ?? so then I will know whats going on ?? right ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Yes, be open and ask. I like that
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I send her happy birthday and happy midterms and she didnt send to me also ..
Was the happy valintanie a mistake ?? or now she is ignoring me ?? or what ?? Im really confuse ?? please I need help ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
No it doesn't necessarily mean she' ignoring you. She may just be busy. Or have other reasons. Although it would have been polite it may not mean that she has negative reasons. If you don't hear something soon it may be important to find out why
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So How about sending for her today , I would just communicate as much as makes you happy and did you get my messages ??

But which one I should ask first ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I would ask if she got your messages and your focus is now more realistic. Don't get hung up on specifics. Follow your suggestion
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I didnt get what are saying ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I meant you are thinking on your feet now so go with you heart and your suggestion. You are thinking logically and you are making better choices. go for it
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Maybe she dont want to talk with me any more because she knew my feeling and now she is escaping ?? This is possible right ?? what do you think ?? Or she wanna make sure that Im the right person ?? Or she wanna know if my feeling were true ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Don't worry about her not wanting to talk. You will know that by her silence or her responses. Let that go so you can approach this with an open mind. Focus on what you have decided to say and do it. She will decide over time if you are the right person. Focus now on having the confidence to go forward
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I send for her , did you get my messages ?? and she didnt answer again ?? what do you think , should I stop texting her for a while , or should I send for her something else ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
and after that ?? This is weird right ??
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
ok . now two days without texting her ?? should I send her a message ?? and if so what it should be about ?? How can I test her now so I can make everything clear to me and maybe for her ??
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I asked her , why I didnt heard from her , and she text me back and say she is bad sometimes at texting people back ?? is it a good reason , you think ?? hahaha...
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
how did you know she is interest ?? she is really different than all the girls I know !! I send her 3 messages last week , one of them was romantic and the other is happy birthday and she even didnt say thank you ?? she dont make things clear so much ?? how can I deal with a girl like this ??
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Mmmm .. ask her what ??
maybe ya you are right .. how can she be comfortable with me ?? this is the key to her I think ..
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So should I wait until I aks her for a date for now , or just keep texting ?? or do something else ??
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
is it the right time to ask her ??
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
should I ask her by texting ?? and should its be just how about going in a date ??
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
what do you think if I ask her for a date she will be comfortable ?? or she will feel shy ??
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have a question , If she intersted then why she didnt text me , she wait until I text her then she reply ?? I always think of this ..
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Maybe it's just inconfidence. Lots of women feel that communicating first is embarrassing and they play this game with themselves because they don't want to look needy. This isn't a critical issue so don't worry about it
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
and do you think she was right when she said that she is really bad at texting people back , when I tell her happy valintanie and happy birthday ?? what does this mean ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I know people like that. For some it's a chore while other's enjoy it. She may be ignoring you or it is very possible that she is just bad about returning messages. She may not see it as a big deal
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So is it a negtive things ? Or its Ok ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
It may just be her way so it may just be neutral. Some people says they are bad at returning messages; so it's fine
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
hi i send for her lets go for dinner .. she said she is at home until monday .. so I send for her how about lunch or dinner in monday or thursday , and she didnt send anything until now !! what should I do ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Give her some time. You can text her about your suggestions. If she is responding eventually go with it
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I told her how about in monday or tuesday , but she didnt respond until now ?? I didnt tell her in a date ?? but I meant that this time this should be a date .. well when I tell her about today she said she is at home , and she didnt tell how about next time or in .. ?? why she act like that you think ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
It sounds like she takes you for granted a little. If she takes awhile, then it's up to you to put up with it. If you wait and she responds, you can always fit the date around the day she responds like tomorrow
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
but you know I feel she hesitant alot in this case , I dont know why ?? should I explain for her more in a another message , or just wait her ??

Do you think there is still chance for me ?
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
There is always a chance! I would wait for a few days and then explain
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
you mean wait until I see her ?? what will happend if she didnt say anything right now ?? should I text her again ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Text her with your concerns
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
what ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
If she does not seem bothered and is responding to you then that is a good sign. Continue your communication if she seems receptive
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
but why until now she didnt say anything about the second suggestion that I mentioned ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Don't worry. She may not mention all your comments, but try to move forward and mention that date
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
please how can I mention the date ?? I should let her know if she didnt know already that this time this is a date , if she want she should say yes and if she dont want she should say no .. so I can know , I have no more patient ...
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You don't need patience if you let her know you have to know. It will be obvious with yes or no. Plan the date with this acceptance or refusal
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
maybe right now she is thinking ?? and she wont give me a answer until she deceide ?? becuase she should know that I love her from the prevouis coffee talk .. and maybe for that long time that I have know her .. so I have to still wait or send her something else after a while today ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You should follow your instincts in light of shariing you feelings. Send her something else but just reminder. Don't be insistent ; just offer to talk some more about it
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
should I send for her a message and tell her what I meant was a date ?? or say something else ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Send her a message sayng I was making a DATE. Please respond
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
hi I send for her what you said yesterday , but she didnt send anything until now ?? I think my situation is more complicated right now ?? and why she is not saying either yes or no .. Im really tired ..
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
If you want the relationship then you have to be patient. If it is complicated more reasons to be patient
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
yup you are right .. but why this silence ?? why its taking to long to say yes or no .. then I didnt ask her to be my girlfriend to talk this long time .. its just a date , right ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Right. I don't know the reason but it can be innocent like too busy, careless about certain things. Who knows. Focus on date and work into asking about no replying after you see how it's going
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have a feeling that she will not reply .. I'm afraid that she could be bothered tight now ?? maybe she is afraid to say no ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I think he she was going to say no, she would say it but anything's possible
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
what ?? what did mean ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
If you was going to say no, she would say it rather than no replay. Anything is possible but most people would say it
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
now what shouldI do ?? should I send her the last message , or wait ?? should I send her I different message this time ?? or I have to stop texting her ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
send same message and then wait. After that stop texting
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Is it ok to send for her why you are not answering ?? or just the message ?? which one is better ??
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Either one is a chance to communicate so do whatever you feel comfortable doing
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I give up .. I will not bother her any more .. I feel that I bothered her .. Well I would thank you very much for helping me .. and I hope that you are around so I can get your advice any time ..
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
I am here anytime

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