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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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How do you handle this situation.. Im really good friends

Customer Question

How do you handle this situation.. I'm really good friends with a guy I started dating over the holidays. We've only gone out twice (once on New Years Eve), but talk often and he's made it very clear he really likes me - treats me like an absolute queen. I however, give virtually no indication that I like him
(yes, I know I need to work on
that!). About a week ago he tells me that before we even started dating, a women that he knew yrs ago moved back into town. She contacted him, they talked a few times and as he says, against his better judgement, after hearing her stories of how badly her ex treated her, he felt sorry for her and agreed to "give it a try" since they never could yrs ago. He's divorced going on 2 yrs, but very "new" to dating & only likes to see one person at a time. He said he didn't want to keep it from me & doesnt want to lose anything we have, loves talking to me, wants me to be there, etc. He called me numerous times in the days following. So, do I keep talking to him & having a great time as we always do (just not dating), or do I cut him off and put my foot down. We've only gone put twice & are just getting to really know one another, so I feel that would be premature. I do really like him, though, and would like to pursue things when we can. Please help!!!! :) Thanks!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

This is a very slippery slope. You are describing a new relationship but defining it by not having sex, no commitment, etc. I am afraid that you are convincing yourself that this is a friendship when he is actually treating you like a girlfriend. I want you to be aware that he could either be keeping both doors open (you and her) while playing both sides or know he's playing both sides. It is still early and you may do well to let it go. He could hurt your feelings if not. You could also see where it goes but keep in mind you could be wasting your time and setting yourself up for heartache. I would in this case keep contact to a minimum not several times a day. That way you protect yourself from getting in too deep.

 

If he is certain that he is going to date this woman then he is saying that's where his heart is. The most you can hope for is picking up the pieces. I would decrease my contact and availability until he is done with woman two.

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