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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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i am in a relionship with a girl been with her for 2 years,

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<p>i am in a relionship with a girl been with her for 2 years, she lived in stoke and moved to be with me in nottingham. i interduced her to a woman i knew a long time this woman is 56 years old and my girlfriend is 21. the woman of 56 has got a husband and my girlfriend and me live in a house. but my girlfriend is always around this woman house never spends any time with me. they are always going out, shopping, bingo and seeing concert together. she never with me harly always with this woman. i have asked her why she does this she said she is my best friend. This week we had a fall out over this woman and now my girlfriend moved out and moved in with this woman and husband house. my girlfriend said she needs time and space away from me and will decide to come back after 3 weeks. she said she is fed up of me being jealous over their friendship and me asking all the time.</p>
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
This is frustrating I'm sure. She sort of chose sides in a way. Of course your options aren't' many. Give her space or continue to campaign to get her back. If you try to get her back, you will have to accept this friendship. Otherwise the same arguments will ensue. You will have to find a way to talk about this to resolve it. Compromises on both ends will have to be established. if you think you are the only one that can compromise, then maybe you will have to accept that the girlfriend will not put you first (which is necessary here). If you chose to let her go because this is selfish, then take active steps to move on. Consider that this is very selfish on her part and the relationship should come first. Is there a chance that there will be something else this important in the future.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
<p> </p><p>It is frustrating alot for me, who has chosen sides my girlfriend or this woman i know.</p><p>i dont understand why this woman has done this and recently she got told we are a couple by my girlfriend.</p><p>i find yes she is not putting the relationship first the other day i said do you fancy going for a drink she said ive already made plans and that was with this woman.</p><p>I ask my girlfriend regarding the relionship before and she always goes " i cant believe your starting again" she never wants to answer the question. i have said to her in the past she should put the relionship first.</p><p> </p><p>Laura</p>
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
It sounds like she isn't in a place to put the relationship first (emotionally) or does not';t want to. You are forced now to make a decision. Do you look elsewhere or put up with someone who has different priorities. This is up to you. Fixing a relationship takes two people. The biggest decision is deciding whether you want to settle for less than you feel you deserve. You could sit them down together but again it goes to how motivated your girlfriend. Does she worry if you threaten to just give up
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

 

Yes i have said to give it up as i cant cope anymore and i feel like im being used and second best. in my eyes she chooses that woman over me all the time. Which i dont understand regarding everything and the age gap of them two. when i said before this isnt working to my girlfriend she goes "if that is what you want" she has cryed when ive said.

 

i said im willing to work this out as two people coz i said it wont work if one person puts all their effort into it and my girlfriend said "but i am willing". my girlfriend said that the relationship is first and i am first. but she not showing me this. she also said she " loves me still deep down and a little flame is there for me"

 

When we lived together my girlfriend got so jealous of me and this other girl going out together. and my girlfriend always had to go along. i work with this other girl and the other day my girlfriend sent her a text saying "im two faced towards her and been calling her" so you can imagine the girl i work with wasnt very happy.

 

which i dont understand my girlfriend can do her own thing but i cant and she always has to tag along but i dont invite with her.

 

since a couple of days in that womans house she wont stop texting me. but she wont say love you in the texts and she doesnt show a interest in me i.e she never asks what ive done with myself.

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
It's great to say the right thing, but her actions suggest that she takes you for granted. That makes for a poor relationship with poor intimacy. You can't nurture a relationship if she is never there. If you have discussed this and decisions have been made to make it better, then you have decisions to be made. She has to commit to finding time for the relationship. Maybe she needs another wake up call. Also suggest date nights for the two of you to stimulate the romance part.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi

 

Thank you. now she saying she wants to move back in with me but i dont know what i want. really i want to move back in with my dad get on track with my money again. but she keeps saying we can make everything work and put the things behind us.

But how can i with everything that has gone off between us two.

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You have to decide before you reunite if this is what you want. Ask yourself if nothing changed (because it might not) would I be happy. You have to face this possibility no matter what she says. If you can work towards a happy and healthy relationship then go for it, but if there is a chance that things will be the same then do go in with false promises. Also evaluate your priorities. If saving money etc. is a good plan then you may want to look at getting your life on track. Don't make too many sacrifices which will lead to unhappiness
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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psychlady
psychlady
Counselor
6886 Satisfied Customers
I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues