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Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I am 53 yrs old, and I have been in love with a woman for 40

Resolved Question:

I am 53 yrs old, and I have been in love with a woman for 40 years. We have known each other since I was 13, she was 11 at the time, but we went our seperate way's. We live 500 miles apart, and at present both are single again. I want so badly, in fact it's all I want, to tell her how much I love her. Her life is still a little complicated so I've been told. Would it be unfair of me, to express how I feel about her at this time. Or should I ever tell her. I am scared to death.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.

Cathy :

Hello JA customer are you there?

Cathy :

Hi how are you tonight?

Customer :

I am ok, thank you.

Cathy :

Great.

Cathy :

I have read your post and I say absolutely contact her and tell her how you feel.

Cathy :

Absolutely

Customer :

May I ask you Cathy, why did you come to that conclusion?

Cathy :

Because I know that the only things we regret in this lifetime are the things we didnt do.

Cathy :

the chances we did not take

Cathy :

the opportunities we hesitated on

Customer :

How do I overcome this overwhelming fear I feel. I do not know how I would handle rejection.

Cathy :

I doubt she will reject you.

Cathy :

I think if you call her and say Hi I have been thinking about you and would love to meet for dinner and I will be in your city on such and such a date?

Customer :

Why, do you say that?

Cathy :

I think she will accept your dinner invitation.

Cathy :

Because I work with human beings and their behaviors

Cathy :

thats what I do for a living so I have a good idea about how people behave

Cathy :

in many different situations

Customer :

At 53, I should not be losing weight like I am over this. I do not have an appetite any more,just because I so fear the a negative responce. Where can I get the strength to go forward with this?

Cathy :

Give me one reason why she would say no to dinner?

Customer :

She may not say no to dinner, that I am sure of. But what I want is so much more, actually to be with her from this point forward, till the end.

Cathy :

Yes but you cant spring that on her all at once

Cathy :

you have to take this step by step

Customer :

Yes I agree. Baby steps. How does one, like myself have this type of feeling for someone for so long. It has crontrolled me lately.

Cathy :

Well that part is more your imagination than anything

Cathy :

as you say you have not seen her in 40 years

Cathy :

so you dont really know you wish to spend forever with her you imagine you do

Customer :

No, actually I have not seen her for seven years, But I would drop everything in my life as it is now, to be with her, as long as she would have me.

Cathy :

but you have never lived with her day in and day out and that is far different than looking from the outside in

Cathy :

have you ever been married before?

Customer :

Yes, twice.

Cathy :

so you know that being in a close intimate relationship day in and day out is not all hearts and roses

Customer :

Absolutly, but while I was with my former spouses, I wanted to be with her.

Cathy :

and you didnt want to be with them?

Cathy :

so why did you marry them?

Customer :

No, I won't say that, I did want to be with them at the time, but given the choice, regardless of where we would of been in the marriage, I believe I would of left to be with her. And I must say I am not that type of person. I am commited once in a relationship. But this lady I have loved all my life, and when, or if an opportunity came to be with her,I would of taken it.

Cathy :

I think you have built this thing up in your mind.

Cathy :

I would call her and arrange for dinner and fly out to see her

Cathy :

and see what happens?

Cathy :

You see I do not feel you really know this lady

Cathy :

I feel you just know bits and pieces of her and that your imagination has filled in the rest

Cathy :

and you know you will be disappointed when you find out that she is a human being and not a goddess

Customer :

I know she is not perfect, we all have flaws. Believe me Cathy, I get that. I am not expecting some cinderella story. And yes you are right about me not knowing her like I wished I did. I just know I am so willing to be as flexible as I have never been in my life, to make something from this.

Cathy :

Make this decision after you meet her for dinner. Not now. Make the decision in a reality based way.

Cathy :

Call her tomorrow and talk to her. Make a dinner date.

Cathy :

Fly out to see her and then take it from there.

Cathy :

Not from here but from there ;)

Cathy :

What city does she live in?

Customer :

What do I do about my message in the bottle?. I was going to send that first. What are your thoughts on that?

Cathy :

no, she might get scared no

Cathy :

its very romantic but if she is not feeling as you are, it might scare her

Cathy :

save that for later

Cathy :

BTW

Cathy :

if one of my old boyfriends sent me a message in abottle as you describe

Cathy :

I would be flattered all end

Cathy :

but it can be overwhelming and I am not sure you should lead with with big guns

Cathy :

I would say take it slow and save the big stuff for when you know more.

Cathy :

What city does she live in?

Customer :

Vancouver, British Columbia.

Cathy :

okay, so not affected by the snows we have been having down here

Cathy :

so call her and let me know how that goes

Cathy :

Do not press accept, do not pay me. Write me back tomorrow night and let me know if she accepted your dinner iniviation?

Cathy :

okay?

Customer :

How would I contact you again Cathy, and not get someone else?

Cathy :

I am leaving this question open for just that reason so I will get it and no one else. That is why I do not wish you to accept my response. I dont want you to have to pay me again. Airline tickets are expensive you know?

Cathy :

LOL

Cathy :

Okay just leave this open and we will chat more tomorrow.

Customer :

Thank you so much.

Cathy :

have a good night

Customer :

And you.

Customer :

Cathy, are you there?

Cathy :

How did it go??????????????

Customer :

Thank you for getting back to me, I thought I had lost our conversation.

Customer :

I am having trouble with picking up the phone, and dialing in her #'s. I know I have to, if I am to find anything out. Once again fear is holding me back.

Cathy :

Oh my

Cathy :

I was hoping if you had to speak to me tonight it would force you to call her.

Cathy :

Do you understand at any level that you have built this up so far in your mind that it is frightening you? You have created this in your mind and it is not reality based.

Customer :

I think I know what you are saying, I know wherever she is at this moment, she has no idea the anguish that I am putting myself through. I just have felt rejection at different times in my life, and I struggle with maybe igniting that again.

Cathy :

Thank goodness she does not know. Oh my.

Cathy :

Okay shall we try again tomorrow or do you not think you can do this?

Cathy :

You know I live due east of you and I am not a superbowl fan so if you wish, if you let me know what time I can come online while you call her?

Customer :

I know I have to do it, and I will, I just need to find that moment when I will be strong enough to commit to it. I am away from home for fourteen hrs, these next two day's, as that is part of my job. It must be nearing 1am for you. Can we try this perhaps tomorrow evening?

Cathy :

Yes it is late for me and I have responsibilities tomorrow morning so I do have to leave. I will look for you tomorrow evening.

Cathy :

good night to you

Customer :

Thanks Cathy

Cathy :

Hi, let me know when you are online?

Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.
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Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.
Hi, did you call her? I waited for you but to no avail. I hope you are well. Cathy
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

 

Hello Cathy, I have not made that call yet. I thought about it all day, hoping I would of made a decision by the end of the day. I am no closer. I do not know what to say. I think you have done all you can, it is up to me to take it to the next level. I have at least four day's off now to get it together, and gather enough courage to follow through with it.

Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.

Okay then,

 

Remember the only thing stopping you is you and its all what you have built up in your mind. Its been a pleasure working with you. Drop me a line down the road and let me know how things turned out?

Best wishes to you.

Cathy

Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

 

Thank you so much Cathy for caring. You are an exceptional lady.

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