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Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He has 2 daughters

Customer Question

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He has 2 daughters from his first marriage whom I love very much. Before we got married we agreed that we would have 1 baby as long as it was a boy. He got his boy so we thought we were done. I really want another baby. He won't budge...he does not want another and thinks it's unfair of me to want one after I said I wouldn't. How was I suppsoed to know what I would feel after going through pregnancy, labor and watching our creation grow every day? Is this a valid reason to divorce?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

Anything that can make you unhappy. Divorce is a personal decision, but make sure the reason is significant enough that it can't be resolved in counseling. Present this issue in counseling and see if a compromise can be decided upon. I know there is no 1/2 baby but maybe waiting a year or some other measure where you both would be happy. if this is so significant that you will not be happy with one child then you can examine your options. But only if remaining married with 1 child is intolerable.


It seems more fitting to try to work this issue out in counseling. There seems to be other issues. Trust is a huge problem and this also needs to be resolved since splitting up would effect the entire family. You shouldn't consider getting pregnant when things are not stable. You can explore the issue around your father's death as well. Resentment can build up over time and cause distress between partners. Resolve why you feel disappointed

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I have forgiven him for not being there when my dad passed so that is, thankfully, being us. I do not want to have a baby now....I would never bring a baby into anything but a happy home. The problem is he is so adamant about not having another baby ever. Waiting a year won't change anything. This is why I need to know if I should someone just get over the fact that I'll never experience creating life again and hope that I fall back in love so much that it won't even matter or just end it now. I'm 32 and do not want to be pregnant at 40. I hope this makes sense.

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I completely understand. I didn't think of the time issue. You take a risk either way. If you leave when will you fall in love. If you stay he might not change his mind. I am a romantic and just think your chances are better just working on his changing his mind. He cares about you. So if you are consistent in this being what you want you have time to work out a compromise. however if you really think this is the only way you will be happy, then look for someone nice and available. Maybe you can verbalize the fact in counseling that you need another child to feel fulfilled, and see what happens. You can then base your decision on that information.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm fairly confident I would find love again. Maybe I've just been lucky but I've had long, loving relationships since I was 16. I will just bring it up at our next session and see what happens I guess. Thanks anyway.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I wish you much happiness. If moving on is your choice you will find love eventually

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