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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am in a long distance marriage with both of us in the navy.

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I am in a long distance marriage with both of us in the navy. she is overseas and i am stateside. Why does it seems she doesnt trust me with talking about finances such as credit card balance and bank acct balance but she trusts me not to have an affair? I am willing to tell her ANYTHING, i trust her not to try and clean me out. why wont she trust me?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
First of all this is a very difficult long distance relationship and the separation can lead to feelings such as these. When women worry about the sexual part of the relationship (whether it' lacking, inadequate or impossible) they often worry about where a man might go to get it, or what he might do, or who he might find attractive. We worry that men are sexual animals and the need to have an affair is because they have these urges. I know that sounds silly but it's true. As far as the finances versus other women those are different types of trust. Men can have an affair and take good care of his family. The best thing you can do is to continue to let her know that the marriage can survive these problems and that you are awaiting visits etc. Distance just breeds insecurity
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
should i expect the financial distrust to go away after we live together long enough or is it something she may have been raised with? I havent asked how her parents run things because i was raised that its obscenely rude to inquire someone elses finances, but i was also told that when your married your ultimately responsible for each others bills, whether you like it or not, ultimately my question is can i expect the financial distrust to go away after living together? I want to break down those walls between us, or am i asking too much between two people?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
No I think once you really are in a day to day role with each other and you share those kinds of responsibilities, this will encourage trust and that will resolve itself. Trust with finances has a way of building up sort of like building blocks. It will be strange in the building but you should really be able to find your personal styles and how they work together. There will be a lot of tweaking it at first, but 2 honest people can get this down rather quickly
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