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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My fiance and I went through a bad breakup about 2 months ago...we

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My fiance and I went through a bad breakup about 2 months ago...we were together for almost two years and all of sudden he came home and kicked me out, saying he just couldnt do this. I literally had no idea that this was going to happen, completely out of left field. He blamed everything on me...and I mean EVERYTHING. He started telling me everything I did wrong in the past, things that I never even knew before. i never cheated, it was all directed toward my attitude. He never told me how unhappy he was and I feel awful. I wish he wouldve told me when things were bothering him because I wouldve honestly worked on things...but i didnt know and now he wont give me another chance. I look back at our relationship and I only see the things that I did wrong, he was such a great guy to me....I wasnt as great back. He is having a great time right now living with his bestfriend and going out all the time. he told me that he went through a small period of being sad but he wasnt depressed or anything..and I feel stupid because I still cry about it. He told me that he never sees us together again...i just cant accept it. Im so very hurt and I dont know what to do. All the blame has been put on me and I dont know how to stop all the guilt. The best way I can describe how I feel is, im being forced to do something I dont want to. I feel like im being forced to have to want to move on and I just dont know how to. I feel like im being forced to have to want to go out and have a great time with other guys because hes out having a great time with other girls. I have to meet with him next week, and I really want to just admit to him that I understand and notice the things in our relationship that i did wrong, admit to him that I am going to a therapist and I am trying to work on my attitude...I just dont know if thatll impress him or not have any effect at all.

I guess I want to know if I should tell him all that stuff, or say little as possible. And how do I start the process of forgiving myself? Because I honestly feel like I unknowingly pushed my soulmate away and if i never find another man its all my fault.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Even if he says so, nothing it ever any one person's fault in a relationship. When the dust settles, you will realize that too. I'm not saying that some of his points aren't valid. I am just saying that you can't take everything on because that is not the whole problem. Waht about his ability to move on so quickly. Hopefully you can ge together and work things out. I would admit to the things you have done and the changes you are willing to make. Also tell him you are in counseling. It's okay to be vulnerable. This may be your last chance to open up so go for it. It's your chance to find a compromise. If this doesn't work out, pursue your therapy and find a way to not blame yourself. There is still hope if he is willing to meet up. Use this to be honest and open

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
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