I agree that it is not in my best interest to get involved before the girlfriend is gone. I also fear that I could in essense be in "her" position in a year myself. I am not her...I do feel very confident that he cared deeply for me and I for him. However, I left him. I hurt him. Kevin can have any number of attractive and successful women and has had. So, I don't think he's afraid of being alone. You make a valid point in that I could "assist" him in having a reason to break up with her. I don't want to be that. I could also get deeply hurt again...even more than before. I have thought about that a lot. The stakes are high. While we were together, he did nothing wrong. No one has ever in my life treated me any better or made me feel more special. I think he sees a "genuineness" and "down to earth" quality about me that he rarely sees. I doubt if other women have left him. I think he's used to doing the breaking up. I wonder if he sees me as "more than I realistically am." Maybe his ego wants to prove to himself that he can have me? I truly believe a part of him sincerely XXXXX XXXXX wants me! That being said, there are still doubts about how it would be in the long run. I could get hurt badly! He is aware of my concerns. When I saw him, he asked how my Brazilian b/f was initially? He implied that he didn't know I wasn't in a relationship...but I believe he knew I wasn't. I didn't think he played games; but felt in part he did. I suppose that the botXXXXX XXXXXne is....he can't be mine while he belongs to someone else so I won't contact him. IF he should contact me later if they split...which I think they eventually will....and I'll eventually hear from him possibly, that would be more difficult because I wouldn't have her as an excuse. It would then be about what we shared, how special it was to both of us, and whether I am willing to take a risk. When we split before, I told him...He is younger, has more money, a great career, travels.....and that should we split, I believed it would be much harder for me to readjust over time than him. Age didn't matter to me in my 30's or early 40's because I looked younger than I was. I've held my age well! However, I'm almost 50. Going through menopause...my granddaughter is a priority! My mom is quite ill and has no one but me. Kevin being divorced many years and no children, hasn't ever had to "give of himself" in the way you do when you have kids. It can't be "explained" to someone that hasn't experienced it. Honestly, I felt a certain degree of manipulation during our visit as far as not noticing on FB that I am single...not recalling a heartfelt e-mail I sent a year ago wishing I hadn't left him. I think he was sincere in all he said and remembered about us. I do think I was very special to him and that he hasn't forgotten me & still thinks of me. I think once he and g/f split, he would like to "see how things would go" for us. I'm sure they would be literally heavenly for awhile...my concern is what happens after the new wears off? I am aging now...I can't just pick up and go on out of the country trips. he has stopped drinking pretty much and stopped smoking. He runs now and was always thin but stays in shape. due to disability and back surgery, I could be in "better" shape; but I have limitations. Your answer didn't give me closure but it validated some of my concerns.
I know what you mean about the attraction to ex's but unfortunately it seems that if it doesn't work out you have a lot harder to fall. He probably still has genuine feelings, but be careful that his obligations don't surpass such feelings. When she leaves, you may try a trial run and see how it goes. You however have many obligations that are heartfelt too such as your grandchildren. Some of the attraction seems to be that he brings out qualities in you that make you happy. Just be careful to draw a line between slightly manipulative or just playful.
You never know the outcome of a relationship unless it is embarked upon. The cost of this relationship would have to be considered too. It is always possible that the relationship is flawed when the newness wheres off. So decide if taking the journey is worth it.