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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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what do I do when my boyfriend out of the blue decides he wants

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what do I do when my boyfriend out of the blue decides he wants a "break" but he is still planning to take me out for my birthday. He will not talk to me about why the sudden change. He was talking about getting married and moving to my town
Unfortunately, it takes two. I don't know why but if you are patient, he will tell you. I would be careful asking on your birthday. Unless you think this can be worked out. It is very strange that it would happen so suddenly. Don't try to give in so much that it's like you did everything wrong. Don't guess - see what he says. You can't solve this on your own though so you have to wait for his response. I would question whether reuniting for the day of your birthday is XXXXX to be positive. If he is saying he doesn't know if he wants to try I would give him a chance to resolve this and let you know reasons. If he totally cuts you off then you have no choice but to move on
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
what do I need to do until then. He tells me to text and call him but then he wants "time" I asked what he wanted because it felt like a catch 22. He just says "i don't care what you do" Should I text him? Should I answer his phone calls when he calls me?

I have clearly already messed up at the beginning of the week by texting that I wanted to talk, that I would compromise, that I would be better. Pretty much I was making him think I was needy and clingy. I know this can drive him further away. How do I handle this.

Just so odd because he was just up here last week interviewing for a job. The day after he went home all this happened. He even put on facebook this week that he did not accept the job offer. I asked him about it and he said that I was assuming and he had not been offered the job. But that was his exact words. I am so confused
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
can you please tell me what I should do for the above reply
Acting needy can really backfire. It concerns me when you say "I will be better". That gives him full reign to do what he wants. The solution takes two. Nothing can be done by yourself. Call him or text him and leave it for a few days. You can put in there that you need some time put aside to really talk at length. Try to set the boundaries for what he wants and what you can live with. If he won't cooperate you can only give him the amount of time that you can before looking to other options. Your solutions are limited by his wish to participate
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i will be better meaning I will not fight with him. I did not text him all day. He called me when he got off of work. He made a comment that sounded like we were officially broke up. I said is it official now I thought it was just a break. He said "well I dont know I didnt have anyone texting me today" I told him I was trying to respect the space he wanted. I dont know what to do. I feel like no matter what I do it is wrong
You are not wrong. You are simply struggling with such a huge change. Continue to go with your heart. this will turn out how it is meant to turn out. Stay strong and know that you deserve a happy relationship
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am just at a loss. My anxiety level is over the top. I want to make it work and I am willing to compromise on some of the things that caused arguments. One minute he is nice. The next hateful. And the answer is always i don't know or we will see how the week goes. I dont know if it is a test or not. I don't understand how you can go from I love you and ready to move to Birmingham to I want a break in less than 4 hours

This is very difficult to understand. And the worst part is you probably feel like you have no control here because that is what he has - is control. That is probably where your anxiety is. You don't understand his behavior and you don't want the possibility that really is over. Be willing to compromise but don't be so willing that you stay in limbo indefinately. There's comes a time when you have to cut your losses, but give it your best so you know you did everything you could.

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