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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I broke up with a guy I had been seeing for a few years. After

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I broke up with a guy I had been seeing for a few years. After a long struggle to decide what to do and a year of counseling I broke it off. My counselor has strongly encouraged me to keep his phone number and email address blocked. He had a history of verbally abusing me, a couple incidents of violence (not physically abusive) and botXXXXX XXXXXne very selfish. I took her advice, but after running into him 2 weeks later I unblocked him. We saw each other a few times at work and parties and I thought we could have a cordial post relationship. Then while out of town for business he called my cell phone one night only to hear my hotel phone ringing. I told him it must be my coworker (a guy), that I would take the call and call him back. I ended up getting another call on my cell and talking for a while with a friend and falling asleep. When I called my ex back the next morning he was SO angry and began to berate and belittle me again. He called me a drunk whore and said he didn't know the person I've become. I agree not calling him back was rude, but his behavior seemed out of line. I apologized for my part and when he continued to talk so bad to me I told him I was not going to listen anymore, hung up and reblocked him. It has been a week and I felt very confident about my decision, until today when we ran into each other at the airport and he acted as if we were total strangers. Against my usual desire to smooth things over I sat there and didn't say anything.
I am VERY tempted to send him a last email,explaining why I blocked him. Tell him how I wish we could go our seperate ways, but remember each other fondly. Tell him I don't hate him, but I need to protect myself. I'm uncomfortable with the tension we now have and I want him to know this is coming from a place of power, not hate. I then wonder if the only reason I want to email him is to make my people pleaser self happy and it's really a bad idea. I don't have anyone I can talk to about him. What are your thoughts?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Do not do anything except keep the block on. You are trying to have a rational discussion with someone that abuses you - that isn't possible. He's not you. What you are seeing is the honeymoon period. This is when the partner is on their best behavior because they want something or because they have just abused you. It doesn't last. Let it alone. He will know you are moving on. When you stop talking. This will just give him an excuse to go on another tirade. You made a mistake that could have happened to anyone and look how he acted. You don't owe him an explanation. Feel better by cutting it off clean
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