How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6887
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
52358615
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Good day Im a 31 year old lady and my fiancee is 34. The

Customer Question

Good day

Im a 31 year old lady and my fiancee is 34. The first year our sex life was the best. Then I found messages of a naked girl and pictures they send back and forth I confronted him and he swear High and low he will never do it again. Since then our sex life went from three times a day to once in three months. We did discuss this but everytime he said his self consious because he picked up weight according to me his still as handsome as ever personally I feel he just need attention from other people and pictures to be turned on. Now I found porn on his cellphone and if that is not the worst part he does this during the day in the bathroom. Our wedding is postponed due to his dad that got ill now it just starting to feel like a blessing. everything else is perfect in our relationship its just the intimate part I feel so ugly im not fat but not skinny either and I just feel im not good enough call me old fashion but the porn would have worked if it was both of us watching in a way not that I feel its neccesary because why was everything hunky dory the first year makes me think who else was there with the messages. He hide the porn from me and I spoke about it nicely he denies it still but its only him on his phone and he is in the bathroom for 20min???? Please help shall I move on or try this thing but the problem is I dont trust him and if were intimitate I will wonder who does he think off???? Ive never loved someone as much as I love him but a relationship is not just about love. My dad loved my mom and cheated on her as if it is in fashion.....HELP PLEASE
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
Porn is usually a form of stimulation but it can just be an addictive habit that he is engaging in for his own amusement. It doesn't mean he sees you as ugly or anything else. Women usually feel that way when they find out but it has nothing to do with you(I know that's hard to understand). It can actually be an addiction to viewing nudity in a way that is exciting because it is different. Seeing it together doesn't solve the problem. This could be resolved in counseling because he may see it as addictive. Neither does it replace physical intimacy. You could work on this together sort of like an alcohol problem. The secrecy is very disturbing and hurtful. I don't think usually replaces sex with you. It just feels like they are connected
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6887
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for getting back to me. We had a great talk last week and he was shy about it and admit that he does this but its only because his shy about his looks at the moment so he still need sex so he masturbate. I understand in a way and know this is verys selfish of him. The thing I think that bothers me the most is that he does this at work? So every time his to long the devil tells me lot of stuff.It does not happen everyday but stil it freaks me out. We will talk about this again I just feel that he needs these things because a year ago he cheated on me according to him it was just the picture sending to each other but I still dont beleive it. I have trust issues from the beginning due to my past my dad cheated on my mom and he knew this so I suppose I feel betrayed and sometimes I feel like im over it but im not and suppose I will never be. Now this. Its just not good for me and I understand some of it and suppose Im a bit stubborn not to understand half of it?
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
3587 Satisfied Customers
I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues