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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have met someone on an internet website, started chatting

Customer Question

I have met someone on an internet website, started chatting to him mid November 2010, we went out for a drink on 23rd December and got on extremely well, felt very comfortable with each other and then the relationship progressed, saw him all over Christmas and into the new year, then about 17th Jan he started to get a little distant with me on the phone but when he saw me in person it was still great, he has since said that he wants time on his own to "heal" as his previous relationship finished in October 2010 after 7 years, yes he met me very quickly, I then met him last friday to get some stuff back off him that I had left at his house, havent spoken to him or had any contact with him over the weekend, then yesterday rang him for 5 mins at lunchtime and he sounded pleased to speak to me, he has today deleted me off his facebook account and I have noticed that any text messages he sends are short and nothing like they were. I understand that he needs time to heal but I feel completely out of control of the situation as I have actually fallen for him very hard and fast...... we had great conversation, no subject was difficult, we laughed and had fun together. I dont know what to do and think I am irritating my friends as they arent used to seeing him like this. please help - thank you
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.


Don't worry about who you irritate. Everybody has periods where they are not at their best. As far as him, it is a shame that he didn't figure out he wasn't ready before meeting. I agree that that change is not a coincidence. He may need time unfortunately. The reason you feel so sad is 1) you like him and he wasn't ready and 2) all of this is out of your control so there is no way to fix it without him changing his mind back. He is in control; it's his emotions that have to be "ready". With that sad, you really have no choice but to wait or to periodically contact him. Anything more will permanently push him away. You can contact him semi regularly but you may have face the fact that he isn't Mr. Right. I would email him and leave a note at the end reminding him you are there, but don't push it too much. You may find that he doesn't need that much time in the end and he will remember that he liked you.

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for your help on this matter, unfortunately, I have just found out that he is actually a massive liar and finished with me for someone else but was too gutless to tell me..... oh well we live and learn and get stronger in the meantime.

Regards


Vicky
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for your prompt response, but I wont be going on any of the dating websites again, if I dont meet someone through a friend (which is how I normally meet people) then I will just stay on my own.

Thanks for your help and advice I have appreciated it
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
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