We have been through a lot in our 15 yrs. and to be totally honest, when he stepped out of the relationship and started another one and of course I was the last to know, it took a deep toll on me, a very rough time in my life that literally took about 2 years to even feel comfortable in the world again. I understand the differences between men and women. I did counseling when this happened and I finally moved on. It has been with a lot of caution that I even decided to be around him again. I had to be emotionally ready to do it without falling. I think that I have managed to separate me from him and to take better care of myself and my needs. Don't think I can go through the 'work' it takes to understand why he does what he does anymore. I just know that when he does it, it completely throws me off track and again, I am stepping back for now and going to take 'my' time to think about whether this is really worth it because he isn't going to change. Not as long as he justifies and rationalizes his behavior and as you pointed out and a very well said statement.... he would have to put himself in my shoes and I don't think he knows how to do that. Unfortunatley, thats too bad but it isn't my job to 'lead him to the well' because I damn sure can't make him drink. Thanks for your wisdom, you put a lot of things in perspective for me.