My boyfriend of over a year owns a house with his ex wife, the ex lives there, he pays all the maintenance expenses of the house and the property tax and make mortgage payments. Is this normal? He wants to marry me and buy a house together but he has mortgage with his ex.
What have you tried so far?: I told him owning a house and a house loan with his ex wife is bothersome to me because this shows me his ex wife is still in his life.
I can understand why you see this obligation as an emotional obligation. It is is tie to her that really is unnecessary at least emotionally. As far as buying a house, I would make it known that you cannot get the house of your dreams, if he helping to pay her mortgage. Not only is this expensive its inappropriate. And as long as this house is around so is she. I don't understand why your fiancee would not want to encourage total independence on her part. Paying half the mortgage because she isn't ready to sell is barely tolerable. But paying it and enabling her is just plain silly. Try to explore the reason for his continuing this expense. Sometimes people remain in unnecessary financial obligations it is really from some other emotion - such as guilt. Try to get him to discuss and separate emotions from money. Unless there is something else, I am not getting it either
I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues