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Ask psychlady Your Own Question
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi there my girlfriend dumped me just over a week ago because

Customer Question

Hi there my girlfriend of over a year dumped me just over a week ago because she says shes unhappy with me and wants to be alone, on news years she slept round mine then on Monday we went out to dinner where she was really nice to me and we ended up having sex then i didn't hear from her for a few days then on Wednesday i saw her we kissed and smiled and laughedbasically like we used to be at the beginning of our relationship, she then said we could hang out in the following days but she didn't get hold me so i tried to get hold of her and eventually annoyed her loads then tonight i told her that her engagement ring had arrived and i wanted her to have which is where things got bad i rang her to say sorry butended up making her pissed off more and she started to get mean saying stuff like there's no hope, that im making her life hell, i then asked why she kissed me and stuff and she said it feels wrong kissing me outside of the relationship but she still does it anyway, i then tried to calm her down and let her go to bed and asked if we could hang out tommorow if she wanted to and she said if she does she'll text me or get hold of me and then we said good night nicely and she went.

now i really want her back and i know im going about it wrong how can i guarantee we get back together and i don't lose her to another guy? also shes being tested for bi-polar and has been suffering from depression for a little while. since we broke up shes been seeing a lot of a old friend who im afraid to lose her to . also during the call i said id find it piss taking if she's done anything with anyone else since we only broke up a week before and she said she hasn't because she doesn't want to do anything like that, shes also going to uni later this year and i told her that i may be moving near that uni and she got really excited.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It sounds like you desperately want to be in this relationship and it is unfortunate that she is not in that same emotional place. It sounds like you are fearful of what is happening which is your fear that she is pulling away. You can only let her know you are there and you love her completely. Desperation will not prevent her from pulling away but make you annoy her more. Some people feel that if they try extremely hard it will help heal a relationship but you can only be as close as she allows you to. I wish there was a guarantee but there are none in love. Your unconditional love needs to be expressed without the urgency. She still may move on but you know that you did all you could.

As far as her issues involving mood, that complicates her inability to focus on a committed relationship and on her problems. You need to be supportive like you have been and hope she gets any help she needs. But this adds intensity to whatever she is feeling. This is her issue as well as can't be fixed by anyone. Communicate as much as she wishes you to and hope that she comes around.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So what do i do , im quite impatient when it comes to this things and i know that's going to affect it badly, is there anything that i can do to put it more in favour of us getting back together , and should i stop kissing her and not let her kiss me ?
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
The kissing isn't that big a deal. But you may have to have some patience because there is no way to convince her to try this again until she is ready. I know this is very painful for the partner who wants it so badly, but communicating, supporting and responding to her when she needs you is the only way. Being nice, kind, supportive and stable are the only ways to win back her heart. I believe that she was truly done, than none of the time you have recently spent together would probably have occurred.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Even though she says the kissing feels abit weird but she does it anyway to be nice is it more then likely that the kissing is her still showing affection towards me .
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Absolutely! People don't kiss other people because it doesn't feel right. She may be referring to the fact that you are kissing when you are not together but it is still a positive sign in your direction
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
With the things she said on the phone should i take them seriously or not due to me angering her . also she still has our pictures on facebook and my nickname for her in her name. she offered this morning to to pay for a taxi to mcdonalds and for my breakfast there but we didn't end up going because she   didn't have enough in the end.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
She definitely sending mixed messages so it is hard to really tell what she means. Her behavior says I am not done with this relationship. If she is not through then there is always hope. You have to find out why she keeps getting angry and acting like she wants to be together. That is the key to this whole situation. If you find that out, then you will understand everything else. Her angry words are troublesome because they say I don't want to be tied down. Find out which is her true position
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
She only got angry with me because i tried to give her the engagement ring i ordered while we was together but i only tried to ive her the ring because a mate suggested she might want more of a commitment but that ended badly. she has also told me that she hasn't felt that way about me since the dinner Monday and she didn't tell me why she has kept doing it since. as to her true position i don't think asking right now would be the best for my own mental state as id prefer at least think there's some hope .
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I understand that but do you want false hope. Nothing changes just because you don't know what she is thinking. I agree that there is always hope. Just save the ring so that the timing is better and maybe things will change. She isn't going to take it now so it's unrealistic to give it to her now. But maintain the line of communication and see if this changes
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I will save the ring, during dinner she told me that there is hope and she wont talk about her saying that since yesterday.

also i was talking to her on facebook and i said to her "I went this morning with Nathan because he offered to take us but you didn't reply to my text so i figured you went to sleep, we can also get a lift there Monday morning hence why i asked you to say and go then and i wouldnt walk unless you had the energy" and she simply went dunno and logged off .
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It sounds like she is very confused. This may be a difficult time but you can only push so hard. You have to wait until she knows what she wants whether is a relationship or to be single. On the positive side, she is telling you there's hope. Women don't tend to do this unless her heart is saying there's hope

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