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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My husband has moved out - in fact he bought a house without

Customer Question

My husband has moved out - in fact he bought a house without telling me - and says that he 'needs space'. This is the third time he's moved out in one year. Our son is 3 and my husband is stressed at work. He has also told me that our son's birth has stirred up a lot of issues from his past (his father's suicide for example). But my son and I are the ones who are left suffering while he has his 'space'. I don't know whether to ride this one out again or just make the break and move on with my life. His issues are, afterall, not my issues.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I agree. You have a son to raise and you cannot subject yourself to his whims. If he bought a house, then he has had permanent plans to move on. Don't be his convenience! He has made a regular statement that says I care more about me than my family. He is not a stable role model for his child or for you. You can sympathize with his issues but there are people all the time that deal with more earth shattering problems than this and don't leave their family. You should find strength to be your child's role model and try to pull away from this situation. Because he needs stability and so do you. The choices is left up to you
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks. I also feel that he is not an entirely positive role model for our son. He has told me that his house move is 'temporary' and has not moved his possessions out of the family home. I fear that just as I am making a recovery from his 'crisis', he will try to return, as so many narcissists do (this happened before). The difficulty is finding the strength to deal with this situation. Does this just take time? I have the support of an excellent therapist, my sister and my friends. But my recovery is so slow and seems to follow a pattern of progress and then setbacks. Is this normal?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't know whether he really knows what he wants. If he needs space, this is something I should give him right?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
If he wants space then you have little choices. You are subject to his choices that involve his leaving because he is the decision maker. It is unfortunate that he is sending such mixed messages. It is wonderful to maintain support at all times. These crisis will be effecting the family so it would be nice if he could attend a few sessions as well. I would at some point stop "giving him space"; it is too harmful to the family. That's why I suggested his attending (he probably won't) so then it becomes necessary that you make a decision that is best for your family. And that may mean not allowing his constant coming and going. After awhile it's just mean. You will need to decide when you have had enough. Otherwise you are subject to his whims. He may need time but after maybe he should get it without any help from you.

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