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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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We had a misunderstanding last night that led to an argument,

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We had a misunderstanding last night that led to an argument, i don't feel as though we are both right or both wrong, how do we get past it?
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the misunderstanding. Please try and elaborate so that I am in a better position to help you. What was the misunderstanding about? What did she say in her text? What did you say in the text and the phone call.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She was worried about her younger brother getting headaches, i told her headaches could be caused by almost anything, she called her sisters and while talking to them told them that she had no one else to talk to, i felt insignificant, we talked a bit more then she stopped talking to watch tv and crossed her arms, she wasn't mad at me but i was confused i didn't know what to say or do so i said and did nothing, she then asked me why i was mad or annoyed with her, i wasn't, she then said that she just wanted me to make her feel better and that i didn't do that, i got annoyed, she then said we should just apologize and move past it, i got mad and said i didn't do anything, she didn;t want to talk about it, i then told her that i should just leave so i did, in the voicemail i repeated how i felt like an asshole by her comments and that i didn;t do anything wrong, the text today was just saying how are you doing, she replied that she was ok and how was i, thats all that has happened so far
Thank you for elaborating. It gives me a very clear picture. She is saying in your earshot to her sister that she has no one to talk to --- of course, you felt insignificant. She never talked about it and told you to move past it. So then when you repeated how you felt on the phone --- she avoided you --- didn't call you back. Then the text and no discussion again. Is this how conflicts are handled in general between the two of you? If so, this is a very serious problem. In relationships --- the best of them, too, there are conflicts. Couples have to be able to talk and work things through. If you two can't do that you need to think very seriously about this relationship. If you both have a serious commitment to one another and want to continue with that commitment, I would strongly suggest that you seek out a couple's counselor to talk about the difficulties you have talking about things when a conflict arises.Or maybe it would be more accurate to say the difficulties she has talking about things when a conflict arises.
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