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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi I was in a relationship and I have recently ended it. I

Customer Question

Hi I was in a relationship and I have recently ended it. I loved my partner and could see us being happy together - no doubt she sould see the same. She got on with friends family and we were together a year. We have the same long term views and values, but sometimes I have to lie because I know she would not approve of certain things I might say/do.

I ended it because recently someone who I have known for years who I have liked alot for years has told me she felt the same about me for years too. The problem is this girl is a very good friends sister (this is how we know each other). She just told me for years shes wanted to tell me but couldnt for fear of rejection...She has not met my friends/family. Id say we have more fun together, as friends more similar interests/tastes...she has said she always saw us/hoped we would end up together later in life its happened earlyier than we wouldve expected...Will it last?

Now I have ended it with my girlfriend I'm unsure I have made the right decision.

My main concern is that I think I could spend the rest of my life with the girlfiredn I have just finished with. and i think she would be happy with me a steady life, house kids and all... which i think we could achieve....

The new girl is a bit more wild, racy and more of a handful...?

Im usually good with decisions, why am i struggling with this?
Why am I not happy with the current girl?

Please can you help.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I think if you were happier with the other girl you should go back to her. If you are having trouble making that decision seek out a counselor to help you make the right decision for you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi can I have an answer from someone else please..
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
There was no answer provided.

Refund me my full deposit.

Thankyou and best regards,
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I don't know what happened but I am willing to respond. You should choose what makes you happy (similar interests, ability to be honest, similar physical and emotional needs, expectations for your future). Because something is young , new and exciting doesn't make it better. You have to think about a relationship that is going to fulfill your qualities. If you have to get paper and pencil than so be it. Ultimately someone is going to get hurt so you evaluate your options and only you can do that. Search for where your heart is. Think back on your time together with both. If you can't decide you can't decide either to wait or let you date both of them.


Isolate qualities that are important to you and evaluate them on that scale. Also try to figure own who you are excited to see but don't base this on sexual chemistry alone. That wears off. If truly in your heart the new girl will still be exciting in 10 years than that's great. If it's 10 month that is not your choice. If the girlfriend offers , love, companionship and a healthy long term relationship than that is promising. You probably have an instinct but scared someone will get hurt or you will make the wrong choice

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for you help.

Basically the grass isnt always greener...? I have an insctinct but I fear if i make the wrong choice I'll never be able to rectify it. If I continue with the current girl and the feelings continue I just hurt her more in the future right? Would it be sensible to tell them both I cant be with them and just see which feelings end up stronger..? If its too late by then - then i have to deal with it myself. And finally - If you were me would you tell the first girl the actual reasons for the break up? or just keep them to myself?

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I don't think dating both is okay unless they are open to it which is not healthy or likely.

As far as making the right choice, you take a chance either way. So you have to make that decision but go with your heart. You always take a chance of hurting both. You can't avoid that even by being careful. I would not go into details with either girl. This is your problem so let the down gently and make sure they know it's not anything they did. In the end, you can't make a decision unless you take this chance. You can't go wrong if you go with your heart and somewhat your head.

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