It is unfortunate that you two have been friends for so long. But look at the way you see this so it is not as tragic and this may help during your meeting.
Why would a "friend" treat you this way. You should demand and require respect at all times. Giving respect is not expecting to have a girlfriend (or whatever) and still be sleeping with someone on the side. You should want more from any relationship than that. If he wants to sleep with someone you seem to have several options. Tell him to get lost - he obviously is not in a place to commit or there would be just you - forget what she is. He must like it because he keeps going back. Tell him you both should be able to function this way too and start playing the field. See what he does when you are both doing it. Or stay and put up with this double standard. And he will continue to do what he is doing now.
I would meet him and see if he can reach a compromise or your expectations. If not, let him go. You are then open minded to meet someone who respects you. I think he's still playing the field and wants you to be there too. And if you let it happen it won't change any time soon. Try to find someone who is good to you all the time
Thank you. I was begining to think maybe i was missing something. He needs to own up to his feelins or intentions at the very least. There is no putting holds on me while he tries to figure out what he wants. Either he wants me or not. Looks like maybe I will just move on while he figures it out and he better hope I am still around when or if he does.
thanks for the advice!
I admire your ability to resist the temptation to settle. You are right. When 2 people want such separate things, it doesn't work.
Try to find a relationship that is honest from the start, where you both want the same things, and have the same values. If they say things like I don't want a commitment and you do, end it immediately. Don't try to find a middle ground when you know you won't be happy. Some is trial and error but if you stay focused on what you need, what you want, and what you need, you will be fine. Look for commonalities over differences. Find someone that respects you through honesty and integrity.
His change up is not surprising. He does not value a relationship so he has no problem becoming easily confrontational and vicious. He doesn't value the person's role in his life. That tells you that you did the right thing.