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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6888
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ive had a weird experience with my surgeon who did my breast

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I've had a weird experience with my surgeon who did my breast biospy. I've gone for a couple checkups after my normal mammograms over the last year. He is good surgeon, came highly recommended. I have to admit I thought he was single at first. But he knows I noticed his wedding band. During one exam he stopped, rested his hand directly over my breast during the breast exam while continuing to talk medically. During this last appointment while I was dressed and we were talking, he reached over, said your scar is right her and touched it with his finger in a seductive tone. Is he flirting?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
He probably is flirting but he could have done it more appropriately. Be very careful of a guy willing to cross the line to flirt with a patient. What he is doing I believe is against the rule. I don't know if I would be flattered or scared. If you are really bold you could call and speak to him and suggest coffee. However I am still focused on his being inappropriate. The oath he takes does not encourage flirting with patients. If by chance he was not flirting then you have nothing to worry about. Also the fact that he may act like this all the time with other patients is just as scary. Don't be in a hurry - doctors can be wrong too. Be careful and proceed with caution
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Let me give you a bit more info. I do sort of like the man, I wish he were single. We are both middle aged. He seemed to flirt with me on my first visit. Commented that I looked younger for my age. The exam was okay, but he did make a flirty remark. It was kind of funny, but I saw that flirty look in his eye. I wondered then if he were possibly single. I need to call his service the night before my scheduled surgery because the hospital was supposed to contact me but had not and he called me back immediately. Again after my surgery I had a question about removing my dressing on my incision. He again phoned me immediately and this time sounded flirty. My friend was here at the time and she even commented on how quickly he returned my phone call. My next visit I Iooked at his ring finger and he caught me looking! I felt embarrassed and surprised he did have a wedding band on. Neither of us mentioned it. But when he looked at my incision to remove the dressing he said "I do hope you will come back to see me" and it sounded flirty to me. Kind of an odd time to say that I thought. I hesitated, but said yes, I will. I went back for my next check up a few months later and that was when he came across kind of playful, pulled on the string to my gown as i was getting up on the table, he was very focused on me opening my gown. He started with the exam, my incision was on the right one, but when he started checking the left side, he stopped half through and started talking. It was then I looked down and noticed his hand resting across my breast. I looked up at him and he kept talking but had a flirty look again. Did not see him for a few months, but this last visit a week ago still has me wondering. He told me it was nice to see me, he was very nice and attentive. The exam was fine, but then when I was sitting across from him he made the comment about me scar and reached over and touch it, I was dressed. I was kind of caught off guard by that, so I didn't really respond. When I was leaving he told me to come back for anything and to see him again after my next mammogram. He gave me a nice smile when I told him have a nice holiday and he told me to do the same. Then he gave me that look. I certainly cannot ask a married man to go to coffee. Could he just be playing with my feelings? Why would a married doctor take a chance? Could he not be happy in his marriage?
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
His marriage being in trouble is certainly possible. I would imagine especially in a field where he is regularly touching women for medical purposes. For instance not all women wants to be married to a GYN. The hours are long and the patients are all women. As far as he goes, the only way to see if he has anything but medical in mind. He may just value running a good business and having a great bedside manner. If you want to know the only way is to ask. This can be very awkward and probably changes the relationship so the end result is up to you. Keep in mind that if he is interested do you want to see a guy who cheats on his wife and dates patients.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Well, do you really think this is a normal bedside manner? My friends don't. I do like him as a doctor and I am curious now, perhaps something is going on in his relationship. He has not asked me for a date. I'm not sure if he cheats on his wife either. I certainly wouldn't do anything out of line. If he were single, I would ask him to coffee maybe, but then I thought patients and doctors aren't supposed to do that? I think he being married is holding him back. Just wondering if you think part of him could be indeed interested in me. But if he is being a tease, I don't appreciate it. I guess I just wonder what an outsider thinks of this situation? It has been bothering me for a while now.

Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
I think he definitely could be interested. My doctor doesn't treat me like that. They barely even remember your name (that's what I meant by bedside manner). However he seems really friendly. You probably know deep down he is interested, but you know he's married. That would hold almost anybody back. There is no good way of approaching this because he is married and he is your doctor. So although he probably is flirting, proceed with caution. Meaning be tactful or let it go
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Does this have to be posted on line or is it just in my personal email? Just wondering before I accept.

Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
I am not sure of the mechanics but it is not out there for everyone to see. I think this is between you, me and Just Answer
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX appreciate your opinion. It made me feel better. I guess what ever will be, will be. I will accept answer and definitely proceed with caution!

Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
Good luck and follow your heart
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6888
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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