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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi, I met a guy 4 and a half months ago and am worried e is

Customer Question

Hi, I met a guy 4 and a half months ago and am worried e is too laid back about our relationship- his facebook status is still single, which I have brought up once before. Also he did tell me he loved me after about 2 months, though he was drunk at the time. I said it back, and again I told him about a week later and he reciprocated. However, he has not told me again, and I feel scared to say it again too. He was very hurt after a 7 year relationship broke up 2 year ago, and seems reluctant to open up. Can you help???
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
It is hard to make someone open up. We can only encourage it. Here just a few. Have an intimate candlelight dinner and mention first that not "I love you"but something more subtle like - would you be surprised if I am falling in love with you. It forces him to respond and it gives you a little more room to wiggle out if it doesn't go well. Another way is to write a note for him in the morning with I love you and see if he brings it up later. Don't be dead set on him saying it because break ups can really behavior and verbal reassurances. You can also very gently explain that you really like verbal stuff and how does he feel. Approach the subject and that he was drunk. See what he says and encourage him to improve with this. It may just take time so be patient. Lead by example
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for that- I find itcdifficult to broach the subject without feeling worried I might scare him away. At the same time I want to show I'm taking control of our situation without seeming needy as it is early days. What about bringing up his ex- is that a no- no scenario? We have talked about her before when he had a funny 24 hours after I questioned the relationship asking if it was official. Also what do I do about his facebook status as it bothers me, but I don't want to pressure him. I feel like imbwalking a tight-rope trying to be freevand easy, yet deep down Im dying for some more committed and meaningful words from him.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
What you want is reassurance, and when someone has been burned it's hard to get as much as you need. I would be cautious about saying things like I love you but I wouldn't think I can't say it. I would just see how it goes and look for an opening to bring it up. It is not time yet to say it every day but try a intimate conversation and bring up the subject. You can do it in a playful way like "you remember when we were drinking, guess what happened". After that let it go until another opening. As far as the ex, I wouldn't bring that up. That's done and has no bearing on you right now. As far as facebook, that is more just an annoyance. I would just say it in a kidding way. "I see you're still single on Facebook; when you going to say you have a girlfriend"

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