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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I moved the the west coast to the east coast to be closer to

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I moved the the west coast to the east coast to be closer to my boyfriend. The plan was for me to get situated and get my own place. We wanted to date before we jumped into playing house. After a few months he suggested I stay there instead of wasting money. Everything was fine. I was working and coming home to cook and basic household chores. I don't know anyone in the area, so I found myself being home all the time. It's been a year and I still don't have any people to hang out with. He would throw out little comments like, "you need to find friends," "when is your cousin moving here," "I've stunted your growth," etc. I never took what he said serious. It's been a year and he tells me he does not see an us. It's him not me. He has commitment issues. In the same breath he is saying I am a shell of the person I was when we met. When ever I try to talk to him it turns into this emotional drama. Never name calling or yelling, just very emotional. I'm now seeing I did become a needy person and I think it turned him off. I still love him a lot. He asked for us to stop talking for the dust to settle. Should I just walk away and forget all about him and how do I adjust to an area where I don't know anyone? It's not financially possible for me to move back to the west coast however, I have no support base here. Devastated is a strong word, but that's how I feel.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

I think unless you have a history of being needy a lot of this comes from just being "alone" in a new place and having trouble transitioning. As an adult, it's a lot harder to make new friends and build quality friendships. What do you do. Go to a bar? Not hardly. So you are left feeling very isolated. I also figure that you probably feel like he brought you here and now he is leaving you alone with no money to move back. I can certainly understand that.

 

By him not wanting to do this any further are you faced with the problem of moving out or are you going to function separately in the same household. First of all I would suggest putting some emotional distance between you so you can move on. I know that is asking a lot. But he obviously is through so you have to have your best interest at heart. And that is find support. One option right now is to seek counseling. You would be surprised at the range of topics you can have with a counselor. Second try to find a support system by pursuing interests of your own. This can be anything from AA to a club for scrap booking (I don't know I'm making that up) but you get the drift. Move away from him emotionally and you may find outlets. As far as love, it didn't work out. Dust yourself off and move forward

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have moved out. It would have been to emotional for me to stay and I don't want to stay some place where I am not wanted. We are taking time to let the dust settle. His choice not mine. I prefer to talk until his ears fall off.

I understand I need to focus on me. I'm actually a singer and I worked a lot in the Bay Area and other traveling artist. I always wanted to get back to it in this area. Unfortunately I hesitated because the thought of starting at the bottom sickened me. However, I'm actively looking for musicians and bands now.

I've never been a needy person. This is new to me. Not until I went on line to read the traits of a needy person, I had no idea I was being needy. I would not have believed it. I'm angry for not recognizing I was crossing the line and I'm embarrassed for allowing it to happen. I also believe some of my anger is towards him for not sitting me down a telling me there was a real problem and loving me enough to stick by me while I worked through it. I'm embarrassed to say I still love him and want to work it out. I'm I not being realistic? It has never been ruled out. Unfortunately I'm not very patient and waiting 2 days for the dust to settle is too long :-). Let alone weeks or months. I feel like time is never on my side.

Maybe I will find a counselor. I feel like my world is going crazy. My dad passed 2 years ago and now this. I'm use to just stuffing my feelings and moving on with life. I think it has finally hit the fan. Thank you for letting me vent!
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
You are welcome. I hope you do look for a counselor because you may have some grief issues that is making this breakup even more traumatic. I would encourage you to find your successes. This may help with getting past this relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting what you want and knowing that you really want it to work out. The true test is how you will choose to move on. We have all been in the relationship where we were no the one to break it off. Now is the tie to move on but secretly you may want to stay. While you are licking your wounds, look for an outlet. The best remedy for sadness is success. So put your efforts in that direction
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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psychlady
psychlady
Counselor
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I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues