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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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This morning my son left his wife and two sons (21 months and

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This morning my son left his wife and two sons (21 months and 3 months) by agreement to see if from a distance (he will be staying with friends during the week for the next few weeks) he can make sense of the problems in their relationship, ongoing for about a year now. They have been married for three years in April and have known each other for about five and a half years. His intention is to be at home at the weekends and at the moment my daughter-in-law is agreeing to this. I'm looking for some advice for my son to help him evaluate his relationship so he is able to use the time away from home to think about the situation more clearly and to make a considered decision to stay or leave, rather than one based entrirely on emotion, which I think he is doing at the moment. Any suggestions please?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

 

While he is away, it may be helpful that he engages in some self introspection to figure out what does he want both in the short and long term of their "relationship" He will need to examine this not only from his subjective view but in regard to how it would affect the children, his finances and his life in the future.

 

It would be helpful to have some professional counseling to assist him to sort his emotions and thoughts. You can encourage him to try and explore his options. If he is reacting based on emotions as you believe, he would need an objective person to help him sort through this. You are his mother and he may not see your view as totally objective. If he listens to you, then try to find out what are his plans for the future. He may be distracted and not think about the long term outcome of this situation.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Dear Dr Rossi

 

Thank you so much for replying so quickly. Yes, I agree with what you have suggested and have had conversations with him along these lines. Also he has had some personal counselling and they have been for couple counselling too, neither experiences have eld them very far. I'm looking for something formulaic (like a questionnaire or similar) that will kickstart the deeper thought process for him. I think that at the moment he is going round in mental circles and not making any progress. Is there anything like this out there - if you think this is a reasonable idea of course. Many thanks, Jenny

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 3 years ago.

He can consult with a life coach (since he's already seen a therapist) Books can be helpful but it all comes down to his willingness to change. He can not change her nor anyone can change him. His level of introspection will determine what he does. He may benefit from talking to others in the similar situation he's in via online support groups.

As far as questionnaire, he can focus on the short and long term goals for himself. He can write these in a journal or jot some outlines and then think about these. What would being divorce mean? What are his responsibilities going to be to the children both emotional and financial? What would his life be as a bachelor with children? What factors led to the divorce or separation decision? Are these things that can be worked out or are these permanent road blocks in the marriage? What factors are keeping him stuck- fear, hope, does not want to seem as a failure, does not believe in divorce, etc.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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