How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
52358615
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have a fantasy to watch my girlfriend with another man.

Customer Question

I have a fantasy to watch my girlfriend with another man. I've mentioned this to her before and she told me how in the past she has gone to sex clubs with ex boyfriends and even has done a couple swap. I got so turned on by hearing this that I told her I would love to experience this with her as well. But she told me she would never do that with me.

So I took my fantasy into my own hands. I contacted a guy I know who frequents sex clubs and told him to go into her bar (she's a bartender), flirt with her and tell her about the sex club. In hopes that this would make her want to go and maybe even get me to watch her with him. I never followed thru with telling him where she worked but I did send him pics of her.

Well, she was on my computer and she found the email exchange between me and him. She broke up with me and told me that all her ex's have cheated on her but this is the worst thing any boyfriend has ever done to her. This went down about 5 months ago. I recently spoke to her and with tears in my eyes I told her how sorry I was and how I went about it the wrong way. She has a new man now but I could tell she is still in love with me, but she says she could never trust me and wants nothing to do with me.

I know I went about this the wrong way, but isn't this a little extreme? Or am I just a real creep?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
A new man doesn't make her decisions. Don't try to get your hopes up on the premise that a man is helping her keep away from you. She likely can make her own decision and is still upset about what you did. It was wrong to include anyone in this fantasy and to provide information about her. That was a breach of trust. She is probably upset and angry on her own. But that doesn't mean somewhere down the line she will change her mind and consider your good intentions now. The only way to put this behind you is to contact her and let her know you are sorry. After that it is up to her to decide what she wants to do. Let her know that you really want her back and she will be able to make an informed decisions. You did impact her trust and the intimacy that she had making the pictures. There could be a time however that she can forgive and forget. Let her know that that door is still open. You may even try wooing her by sending flowers or candy just as a gesture. If she wants to respond, she will. Otherwise, you are going to have to let it go.
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for responding. Yea I'm pretty down and out knowing that she is with this other guy. I dropped the ball. I let my fantasy get the best of me and it eats at me everyday of m life.

I saw her at a friends xmas party, her man wasn't there. We left together to go to a bar and talk. I could tell that she still burns for me as I burn for her but she won't let herself open up to me. She claims that she is in love with this new guy, who she has dated for 2 months and now they are engaged!?!? They are to marry in September.

When we met that night I thought things were going in the right direction, but then they went sour again. I sent her cupcakes and she asked how I knew her address, which I got from a mutual friend. She just wants to shut me out 100% and I have to deal with it.

I've told her how sorry I was (with tears in my eyes) and she knows the door is open but I don't think she cares well I think she cares but just won't come back to me. I don't know what else to do...I don't think there is anything I can do to be honest.
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency