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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have a fantasy to watch my girlfriend with another man.

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I have a fantasy to watch my girlfriend with another man. I've mentioned this to her before and she told me how in the past she has gone to sex clubs with ex boyfriends and even has done a couple swap. I got so turned on by hearing this that I told her I would love to experience this with her as well. But she told me she would never do that with me.

So I took my fantasy into my own hands. I contacted a guy I know who frequents sex clubs and told him to go into her bar (she's a bartender), flirt with her and tell her about the sex club. In hopes that this would make her want to go and maybe even get me to watch her with him. I never followed thru with telling him where she worked but I did send him pics of her.

Well, she was on my computer and she found the email exchange between me and him. She broke up with me and told me that all her ex's have cheated on her but this is the worst thing any boyfriend has ever done to her. This went down about 5 months ago. I recently spoke to her and with tears in my eyes I told her how sorry I was and how I went about it the wrong way. She has a new man now but I could tell she is still in love with me, but she says she could never trust me and wants nothing to do with me.

I know I went about this the wrong way, but isn't this a little extreme? Or am I just a real creep?
A new man doesn't make her decisions. Don't try to get your hopes up on the premise that a man is helping her keep away from you. She likely can make her own decision and is still upset about what you did. It was wrong to include anyone in this fantasy and to provide information about her. That was a breach of trust. She is probably upset and angry on her own. But that doesn't mean somewhere down the line she will change her mind and consider your good intentions now. The only way to put this behind you is to contact her and let her know you are sorry. After that it is up to her to decide what she wants to do. Let her know that you really want her back and she will be able to make an informed decisions. You did impact her trust and the intimacy that she had making the pictures. There could be a time however that she can forgive and forget. Let her know that that door is still open. You may even try wooing her by sending flowers or candy just as a gesture. If she wants to respond, she will. Otherwise, you are going to have to let it go.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for responding. Yea I'm pretty down and out knowing that she is with this other guy. I dropped the ball. I let my fantasy get the best of me and it eats at me everyday of m life.

I saw her at a friends xmas party, her man wasn't there. We left together to go to a bar and talk. I could tell that she still burns for me as I burn for her but she won't let herself open up to me. She claims that she is in love with this new guy, who she has dated for 2 months and now they are engaged!?!? They are to marry in September.

When we met that night I thought things were going in the right direction, but then they went sour again. I sent her cupcakes and she asked how I knew her address, which I got from a mutual friend. She just wants to shut me out 100% and I have to deal with it.

I've told her how sorry I was (with tears in my eyes) and she knows the door is open but I don't think she cares well I think she cares but just won't come back to me. I don't know what else to do...I don't think there is anything I can do to be honest.
The best thing you can do for yourself is let her go. If shev doesn't want to come back for any reason than that is all that matters. If she changes her mind then maybe things can be different later. Find someone receptive and ready to fall in love. So you can be happy

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