Saying I love you is pressure but expressing your feelings. There is no good or bad time for this but let me clarify. You could say this, but counter this with "I am not trying to pressure you;; I just wanted to let you know that I love. I realize we are not in a place to get married and I am fine with that". If she feels put off then let it go. It is very difficult to be in a relationship where there is no physical interactions. That is why long distance relationships are the most stressful. The possibility of failing is based totally on you two individuals. So you need to share any need for time with each other and find a way to connect physically or otherwise. The added stressor is if one person needs more physical time than the other. But if there is communication,there's no rule that says that this relationship can't work. You probably feel worried because you are not together but you need to trust that whatever her words say her heart says too. Have faith in how sh feels about you
One thing women like is romance. Send her cute things but don't overdo it. These are goofy choices but send her funny emails or ecards, leave her a sexy message, send her flowers or an edible basket. Just send reminders that you care. That way you are on her mind. Make tentative plans so that you have a date to look forward to. Just find some of your own and I'm sure they will be good too.
As far as moving, that sounds great but make sure you know what the ground rules are. Are you going to live together and how will the expenses be divided. Will you live nearby and maintain residences. Go in with open eyes.
It sounds like there a lot to work out. I don't understand either how you can say to someone find someone else (unless it's a test). She seems to test you a lot. People tend to do that when they feel insecure in themselves or in the feelings other people have for them. Really examine this closely because this needs to be addressed. If the one partner stops doing this behaving, then there is less uncertainly and chaos. This is alleviated by realizing that someone cares for instance "even though I don't deserve it". The drama is decreased in the security of loving behavior and unconditional positive regard. This takes major work on one or both of your parts and the insecurities that exist. Saying to find someone else is just another test.
Try to maintain regular agreed upon communication but don't feed into passive aggressive behavior i.e. when she is purposely not home when you are supposed to call. This only increases the negativity. and it does make you seem weaker (although that is probably not the case.) Be firm and tell yourself you are valuable so you don't give into the game. You can do this. Make yourself valuable. You are obviously a caring person.
Not sure what you mean by the passive aggressive behavior, I know what it means but not in this context. You mean, don't bring up the fact that she was not there to take my call? She is very jealous of my ex girlfriend who lives here in town with me but I have told her repeatedly I am not going to get back with her.
One oddity I have noticed about her and I have never said anything about it but others including her boss have, she repeats herself often, same stories over and over when expressing herself. she is a very emotional person. what does that indicate aboput her personality.
dont think shes bipolar, I have known some. If I call her tonight at our agreed time and she does not take my call what next? call again tomorrow night? leave a message tell her I care about her? how do I open and justify calling since we have had this long period between calls, this is the longest we have not communicated.
From her father to her two ex husbands she has always told me they never cared about her or her feelings or thoughts, could this all be a test to see if I am going to get fedup and run off, what is your overall assesment of this whole situation, have you run across situations like this in long distance relationships.
You don't have to justify it. Don't let your focus be on that. Just do what your heart tells you to and don't worry about the reason. It definitely is a test but not to see if you will run off but to see if you will stay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes I have run across this. Because so much depends on communication other than in person, it presents the challenges that you are facing. It's so easy to feel needy because the phone tag makes you crazy. I think you are just experiencing problems that result from two people in different areas with busy schedules and a desire to be together. The boundaries will changing as your emotions and your schedules change. This distance will always be a test to your relationship but with time you will learn to handle it better and better
I really hope I am helping.
You are helping me, I dont know what to do and in previous relationship I didnt care enough to try and make them work when things went bad because I was not interested in permenante relationships.I have not had that many relationships. I care for her so much, and I know under all this she cares to, its just buryied,
But so I am clear If she does not take my call, call again tommorrow night. or till she says dont call!
Also are there better times to reach you? what time zone r you, I am west coast.
not sure what to do. I appreciate your help it has made a difference, particularly calling the other night. If I accept this and close, is there a way I can reach you again later if I have more questions.