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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1675
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I had started dating a guy over the summer who lives about

Customer Question

I had started dating a guy over the summer who lives about an hour away from me. I live in NY and he lives in PA. At the beginning, things were great. He was calling and/or texting me all the time and was coming to see me frequently. We seemed like we had a lot in common. He even wanted to meet my parents and was talking about future events we would share together. He seemed like the perfect guy for me and exactly what I was looking for. When the time came for me to visit him, he started getting nervous and didn't call me for several days. When he did, he admitted he was nervous about me going there. We started speaking again but when the time came to see eachother, he started making excuses and we stopped speaking for a while. I don't know if he got scared that the relationship was progressing too fast or what the issue was. He also thought that I would be like other girls he's dated who have hurt him, cheated on him, and kept him on a tight leash. He's told me he felt like he was being strangled. However, I am not like that and have never given him the impression I would do any of those things or hurt him. He seemed like he started acting like this once he felt more secure of my feelings for him. A couple of weeks ago, we started speaking on the phone and through text (which I hate). He told me he wanted to see me yet when we would attempt to make plans he makes excuses. I've attempted to ask him if he's interested in seeing eachother or pursuing a relationship, however, he either tells me he definitely does but he was just unable to come here or he changes the subject. For some reason, I really am interested in pursuing a relationship with him and do have feelings for him, but I don't want to waste my time. I don't know what to do without being a nag and alienating him. I don't know what to do to make him "get off his ass" so to speak. I have to admit, I do text or call him first at times which I know I shouldn't do but I get nervous that if I don't get in touch with him, I won't hear from him. I want to play my cards right because I don't want to make him shut down again. The months without speaking with him were very difficult and truth be told, I can't stop thinking about him. I think we could be great together, I just don't know how to get him to realize that he has to stop dragging his feet. He must be interested because he does keep in touch but I don't want to waste my time and am not sure where his head is at. What do I do to turn the tables and really get him back without seeming needy and desperate? I just want things to go back to the way they were and for him to start acting like he did in the beginning and want to see and speak to me without me initiating. What do I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walt-mod replied 5 years ago.
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