How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Suzanne Your Own Question

Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
32195369
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Suzanne is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 6 months. Everything

Resolved Question:

I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 6 months. Everything is going fine now, but there was an incident when we first met/started seeing each other that I think about from time to time and still bothers me. We had been seeing each other for about 2-3 weeks, and everything seemed to be going just fine. We met at a bar/restaurant that we both were working at. We had been on one date and had hung out several times. We had fooled around sexually on the first night we hung out and forward. We didn't have sex until the 5th or 6th time we had hung out. I was really starting to like her and it seemed like she liked me a lot. There was always a lot of drinking involved with us, but we did have some sober nights, too. One night we were both at work, and she decided she wanted to go out to the bars after work with some people we work with. She got off work at around 8, and I had to work until about midnight. There was this guy that we work with that is an attractive guy, whom was brought up in a conversation between us, and she told me she thought he was "hot". So when she got off work at 8, she went home to change clothes and came back to work to meet up with the people from work that she was going out to the bars with. This guy whom we had talked about was going out with the group, along with one of my buddies and another girl that we worked with. They all said goodbye to me, and she told me to call her when I got off work to meet up. They all go to a bar that one of my friends owns, so I go there when I get off work. I walk in the bar, and she and this guy, Joe, are at the end of the bar talking and laughing, apparently intoxicated. She notices me walk in and comes up to me a few minutes and talks to me for a few minutes. She then goes back to Joe and is talking/flirting with him. I have a few drinks and she is hanging out occassionally coming up to me, but spending the majority of the time over by him, talking away. Its about time for me to leave, since I had to work early the next morning at my day job. Joe and her decide to go have a cigarette. I walk outside to get in my car, and they are both sitting in his car, talking and smoking. She saw me walking to my car and doesnt say goodbye or anything to me, so I just go home. After they all leave the bar, Joe, her, and my buddy Zach decide to go to Joe's house to drink and hang out. They continue to drink and become pretty intoxicated. She ends up sleeping in Joe's bed that night and has sex with him. The next day I ask her if she slept in the same bed as him and she says yes, but she just passed out/went to sleep. For the next few days, she begins to ignore my calls and messages, or just has an excuse why she can't hang out. Turns out, she is hanging out with Joe, nearly everynight. They are going to the bars together, she is staying at his house, etc. She continues to ignore me and blow me off whenever I ask her whats up. This goes on for about 2 weeks or so. Then, one night I see Joe at the same bar where all of this started, and we talk about the situation. He tells me that he didn't know anything was going on between her and I, which is the truth. He is really a good guy. He also tells me that they had sex 3 times total since they had been hanging out and that they did have sex the initial night at his house. He also tells me that he is starting to talk to his ex girlfriend again, whom he was in love with and that he is done hanging out with my girlfriend (Caroline). Even though I was upset and a little bitter about the situation, I still liked Caroline alot. So I wait about 5 or 6 days and I invite her over to have some beers at my apartment. She gladly accepts and comes over. We begin to become a little bit intoxicated, so I insist that she stay over. I told her she could sleep on the couch if she wanted to, but she chooses to sleep in my bed. We fool around a little bit sexually, but did not have sex. We start to hang out more and more, and we decide that we like each other and maybe we should date. Before I decided to date her, I wanted to get the truth about everything between her and Joe. She tells me that they did have sex on that first night after the bar at his house and also tells me the truth about how many times they had sex and fooled around. The begins to cry and tells me that she should had stuck with me to begin with and the deal with Joe was the biggest mistake of her life. We decide to date and, to this day, we are happy as can be, I just think about this from time to time. I asked her why she did it, and she says she was kind of scared away when I told her about my sexual past, due to how great of a number of women it has been, and that we didnt really know each other that well. She says she has grown up alot since then and that she loves me more than anything. iIs it normal for me to think about this from time to time? whats the best way to deal with it?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walt-mod replied 3 years ago.
My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'm a Category Moderator on JustAnswer.

Thanks for your question! This is not a request for more information and I apologize if this message caused you any confusion.

I'm sorry that you haven't received an answer yet. Most questions are responded to within the hour, but this can depend on different factors, including the difficulty of your question, how many questions are being posted by customers, whether or not this type of question can be answered in an online forum and how many Experts are on the site at the time your question posts.

I will go ahead and try to find an Expert to assist you with your question and appreciate your patience. You will receive an email notification when an Expert replies to you, just as you did here. Unfortunately, I can not guarantee a time-frame for which yours will be answered and I apologize a head of time if the wait is longer than expected.

Please do not reply to this message unless you do not need further help. If that is the case, please let me know and I can assist you with that. When you reply, it locks out the question from the Experts and will slow down their response time to you. If they need more information, they will let you know.

Please remember that if you get a satisfactory answer from your Expert to click the green accept button so the Expert is compensated for a job well done. Positive feedback is appreciated by them also. :)

If you have any questions regarding deposits or billing, please feel free to use the help link below:

http://ww2.justanswer.com/help



Best,
Walter
Moderator
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Sorry for the delay in getting a response to you.

 

While it may be only human to sometimes think about that situation, it would be a mistake to put too much emphasis on it. The situation happened after you had a few dates, but it doesn't sound like you had both agreed on a committed relationship.

 

You also have the reassurance that you know exactly what happened...both parties have acknowledged their behavior. If there was lying involved there would be more reason to be concerned.

 

I'm sure you would not want your girlfriend to be obsessing over how many women you've been with, since you mentioned in your note you've been with a great number of women. It may also be possible that because it's been easy for you to be with a lot of sexual partners, you think that everyone will be as sexually active as you have.

 

If this relationship is going to work, you need to focus on the future, not the past. It sounds like limiting alcohol intake would be a good idea too, as drinking clouds judgment.

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
Suzanne and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency