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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1761
Experience:  PHD LPC
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Ive asked my husband to leave after 18 years of marriage and

Customer Question

I've asked my husband to leave after 18 years of marriage and a 12 year old daughter. He is looking for a place. I have over several years because I've fallen out of love with him, stopped wanting to have sex or rushed it when we did, given snippy answers which led to fights, did not give him any positive feedback. I think he's a great guy and I wish I could love him, but I really don't. HE's had a hard time dealing with my nastiness and has cried several times to me and I do feel bad and cry with him but things just go back to being bad after a while. We even sought a counselor to talk to, which he found, and it's worked for a while only. Now he's been talking to this counselor on his own and when I asked him to leave after a fight he was okay with it. Now here is my question: He seems to have gotten his act together, accepted a long time ago that we were not going to work and sought the help of a counselor to get him through this. He is doing fine, even talks to me in the house and says he will take care of everything that needs to be done before he leaves. He's come to terms with it and has been working on this for the past several months. I, on the other hand, blurted out to leave, and it's not that I'm sorry, but I told him I blurted it out and asked him if he wanted to try one more final time and I'd go to counseling with him. He said, No, this is what he has to do, he needs to get out, he's only 44 and has his whole life to be happy and he has to start now. Why then if I don't love him anymore but still think he's a great guy, do I feel so REJECTED???? I am hurting so bad and I just keep thinking of the good and not what led me to this point. I feel I should have tried harder to love him and be nice to him and maybe it would have started to feel natural. How do I get over this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.

Dr. Keane :

Hi, I can help you today

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Hi, you are scared, you have been living in a situation where you did not love this man and your main focus was on the negative parts of your marriage. He finally starts to be okay with your inability to love him and is ready to move on. You may feel rejected because you might have thought he would fight harder for the marriage or just the fact that he is a nice guy and he'll find someone else to be happy with, that affects your self esteem. It's normal to feel this way. However right now you need to stop thinking about what you should have done and focus on yourself and what your issues really are that need to be addressed. I would suggest that you find a counselor and have a few sessions of therapy, you may be depressed. You also need to mourn the loss of your marriage. It's not an easy time whether you wanted this or not. However you will get through this and discover what you want from life to be happy. Look at this as a new beginning. Please click accept and leave feedback.

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