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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1675
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My girlfriend and I have been breaking up for a long time.

Customer Question

My girlfriend and I have been breaking up for a long time. We lived together for 2.5 years and now have been living apart since end of July. We started seeing each other, like dating for a month or so, after the break, and then things deterioated to aguing as we used to so she told me that it was done. She has also seen and has started talking with an old boyfriend that lives far away in another city. When she informed me that she wanted to see where that would go and that we were now done for sure, I told her I was not interested in a friendship with her, as she was now suggesting, I want to be her boyfriend not a freind. I stopped talking to her except in cases where we had to, as we owned a house together and were selling it. I kept these conversations business like and so did she.

Recently she emailed me to ask about a coat and knapsack that were at the house, which I still live in. I told her to go ahead and get them because I was out of town. She emailed back that her key did not work and had i changed the locks. I had changed the locks before, so it was a legitimate quest. although this time I had not and I am pretty sure she did have a key. When I returned home, the next day I got an email about her coat and could i tell her how she could get it or if I could leave it somewhere for her to pick up. I told her she could come over later if I am home and pick it up. She agreed and I thought I would just give her the item an be polite and say good bye. as she was leaving she looked at me with expectation in her eyes (I thought) so, I sked her if she would like to come in for a drink, she readily agreed. We spent a couple of hours together and it seemed very friendly and casual. I told her finally that I had a phone call to make and she said she had to get going. All ended well. I was hopefull that she may be interested in us.

The next day I gat an email, that paraphrased said: thanks for the drink, does this mean we are being friendly to each other, i want to be clear since she has been business like to respect my wish to not be in contact and that was not her preference. She thinks that it would be good for both if she knows how to approach our communications and what the expectations are around them, but if I don't agree that is ok too. I responded with, you are welcome, it was good to see you , I am fine with being friendly.

I get mixed messages from this email. Is she trying to get back together with me or is she just trying to be my friend as she said she always wanted? I don't know how to go about contacting her. I love her and i would like to be with her again. I have heard that jumping the gun is not a good idea, But it is very difficult to not call and stuff. She knows that I love her and would like to be a couple. Is she just playing with me? How can I tell if she is really interested in reuniting or just being a friend?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walt-mod replied 5 years ago.
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