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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Hi, Thank you for previous answers. Had a big discussion

Resolved Question:

Hi, Thank you for previous answers.

Had a big discussion with my boyfriend. Painfully he said a lot of truth about me. Main things he said, that he doesn't feel appreciated and I dont accept him for who he is, I just keep asking for more, without realising that he cant give me. My main problem starts with emotions, when I dont get enough, even though he says that he gives more than he normaly gives to anyone. He said he is that kind of type who doesnt show emotions normally.
So. I dont know how can I accept him, and lower my expectations down. He said maybe I should be with someone who will give me what I want, but I think there is no such person who would give me what I want, cuz my expectations are probably too big. So how can I work on that, and where to beggin?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.

The place to begging would always be within yourself. You've got to figure out why is this bothering you so much (does it remind you of someone else who was like that, does it bring your self esteem down, why are you unwilling to be more flexible and accept him unconditionally the way he is, et)

 

He's been open with you as far as why he's doing it. He can still try as time goes by to do some of those things you want or he may not. Accepting him the way he is has nothing to do with lowering your expectations. It has to do more with flexibility and unconditional regard. No men out there defines who you are and what you feel. You do that yourself.

 

The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing by Patti Henry (Paperback )

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
As far as I remember I always had the problem with expecting certain emotions from people, not even from boyfriends. And I get so upset when I dont get the emotions I want... I remember I used to get upset when I used to come back home to say to my mum that I got a grade A, but she used to say : 'well good'. And I used to expect that she will say:' yes dear, I am so proud of you, you did so well!!!'.
Also with friends. Sometimes they not as happy as I want them to be if something important happended to me. But again, how can someone know my feelings and know how excited i am apart from myself... I sort of understand that, but when the situation arises, and I dont get the emotions I was expecting, or the reactions I was expecting I get upset... In time I learned how not to show my dissapointment or upset, but inside I felt that way.
I dont know why do I always ask for more, why I am never satisfied?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.

Suppressing emotions is not healthy. You have some understanding about what is going on with you. But, actions are going to be necessary whether you do it on your own through self help, therapist or hypnotherapist. It is natural to to want more out of life (but within limits and what is possible to get from others. Maybe you have high expectations and have to accept that and sensor yourself once in while)

Otherwsise, you may never feel satisfied. No one can be 100% what you want them to be.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Is it too selfish to think that you giving more than the other person, I am talking about relationship? and is it selfish to want something back, maybe the things you give, to want the other person to give it back to you.
I know we love differently (you already said our perceptions about everything is very different), and how we show love and affection is different. But how to accept that?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.
It is not selfish to think that only if the person is capable of giving you what you need/want but withholding from you. It is different if the person is not capable or does not know how to provide that to you. You accept it as a part of life. Everyone has flows and those are his.
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