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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Ive known this guy for 7 months and the last 5 months weve

Customer Question

I've known this guy for 7 months and the last 5 months we've been intimate. He always drives a hour away to come see me during the week (maybe twice a week) and majority of the weekends. I've felt like I was only good to hang with and sleep with and nothing more. I started to notice my jealousy and had a recent conversation with him and he wanted to know how I felt and then told him I liked him and he repeated saying that he also liked me too but wanted to take it day by day because he doesn't want it to peak out. His last and shortest relationship was 6 months (prior relationships were 4 years). He said he def has lots of fun with me but that most of his relationships have started as friends and turned into relationships so that we should take it day by day and see where it goes. He said he wants to grow old with his wife and he's looking for someone who he can have a lot of fun with and have similarities (which him and i do). My problem is that he doesn't compliment me, he rarely pays for me when we go out, and kinda makes me feel jealous when i see him talking to other girls on Facebook. But when he's at my place he wants to cook with me, he helps clean up, he gives me his full attention but yet he doesn't want to call me his girlfriend. I'm starting to feel like my feelings are getting stronger for him but his is constant. Should I end it because he doesn't know what he really wants or should I stick it out until the new year to see if he will ask me out? I'm just stuck because I'm starting to feel like i'm not worth the gf title and it hurts me emotionally...please help...
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry for the way you are feeling. I don't know how old you are. However, nevertheless, I think you need to take it easy. Give it some more time, see where it goes. You will know sooner rather than later if he is just using you for sex. Give it some time.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You there?

Customer :

yes i'm here

Customer :

you might think i'm young but i'm not...I'm 28 going to be 29 next month

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Oh, you're still young.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Let's take a look at all the details.

Customer :

ok

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

He sees you twice a week and the majority of the weekends.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

That's good!

Customer :

Yes, but I feel like he's doing it because he has nothing better to do and we do have a lot of fun but i'm just tired of feeling like I"m not worth the title

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

He is telling you he wants to take it day by day. He is not ready to make a commitment.

Customer :

he does make me feel like he likes me a lot but again he doesn't pay for me like most guys would do and he never really asks me out...he'll just somewhat mention it...never directly saying, lets do this!

Customer :

yeah thats true

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

So now lets look at some of the other issues.

Customer :

how long should i wait for him to be ready? how long is too long?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

He doesn't complement you.

Customer :

no he doesn't...a friend once said he said I looked good one night but that was to my guy friend but he never compliments me directly

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

He is talking to other girls on FB --- about what --- are they just friends or do you sense something else?

Customer :

no nothing is happening i know that but he does compliment

Customer :

might sound high schoolish but he still has his ex's picture on fb along w me but usually if ur over someone you'll take it off...im just wondering if i should just be friends w him only until he figures out what he really wants

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Now, what does it mean that he doesn't want to call you his girlfriend? Did you ask him what you are? Just because you are his girlfriend doesn't mean you are engaged so why does he not want to call you his girlfriend?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Does he say what he wants?

Customer :

he told me he never had any of his exes force him to be in a relationship with him and his only response is that he wants to take it day by day...he once told me 4 months prior that he wasn't ready so i understood but now that we are constantly together and hanging out i want more than just being friends. He said that he doesn't want to get into a relationship and then have it peak out and we break up and wondering if thats just an excuse not to be with me. He said im the only one he is seeing and he's not one to sleep around when he's sleeping with someone already...

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I think what you need to say to him is I understand that you are not ready to make any commitments to anything more serious. However, if you can't even call me your girlfriend when I am spending all this this time with you and you are telling me that you are not having sex with anybody else then please explain to me what you would call this relationship.

Customer :

Thank you Dr. Schaye...Its hard for me to communicate to him and he would always beg me to talk to him but I think I will go that route when the right time persists.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I think you should give it some time but if doesn't move from his present position then it's time for you to move on.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If you have no more questions please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Customer :

thank you Dr. Schaye. Have a great day!

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You, too!

Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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