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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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You tell me if I am being overly sensitive.A new male co-worker-he

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You tell me if I am being overly sensitive.A new male co-worker-he is married, immediately after he started working he would pat me on the shoulder,on the arm,call me "hun."He'll be talking to me and when I make eye contact with him,he will look down with a smile on his face. That has me baffled. I have seen him put his arm around certain female co-workers that are single.I work alot of hours and apparently he had noticed and one night he came into my office,leaned on the door,states "do you have a husband?" I looked up in surprise and state"I'm divorced."Then he made a comment about the hours I work.There has been other little things,but yesterday he took both his hands and gently squeezed my bicep and stated to me " a hundred percent of this is beauty." I made a joke out of what he said,but I'm feeling like he has been slowly sizing me up for the last month,but I do not want to make it into something it is not.It is a feeling I get,but then again I am suspicious of any man that is too friendly and married.My husband cheated on me.I've been divorced for 10 years and have not been with anyone since and I do not wish to be with anyone. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I am 53,this co-worker is 50. What do you think?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 5 years ago.
Hello and thanks for trusting JA,

I think this behavior borders on sexual harassment. If the company has a policy you should read it an see. The touching is inappropriate and the comments are only questionable at this point. He may have been raised in a family that was touchy/feely and thinks nothing of putting his hand on women's shoulders but this is 2010 and should not be done. Therefore, you may be able to teach him this lesson by providing him with the policy.

Here is a good website: See the definition. It is the unwanted touch that is questionable here. If the comments turn more sexual in nature, then, it is more serious.

Good luck.

Edited by Dr. Bonnie on 12/6/2010 at 4:52 AM EST
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