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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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last 2 months my boyfriend and i have been having no problems.we

Customer Question

last 2 months my boyfriend and i have been having no problems.we were doing great.we've been dating for 4 years now.Just recently he has reached out to his ex-gf,she lives in a different state.Which i saw him add her on facebook without me knowing.I asked him if he had been in contact with her and he said no.But I know he said this because he didnt want to hurt me.We haven't spoken about the situation and we've been ignoring it.He put his phone on silent which is unlikely of him to do so.We took a week off to not see each other.He's been messaging me but not that often.He said he'll never leave me and he was really affectionate when we spent the weekend together. Do you think he's trying to find some closure from the past,or is he creating feelings for her again?How should i confront him without making him feel guilty and upset?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Hi,

 

It is possible for him to be seeking closure but why the secrecy and denial? It is more hurtful to be lied to than talk about it and him let you know what is going on. That would be more reassuring.

 

Regardless of his intent (why he's communicating with her), he is with you now and has to respect you. Trust is important in any relationship and especially in a romantic one.

 

You won't want to snoop in on him even if you're suspicious or things lay out in the open (emails, texts, etc) but you also do not want him to give you the idea that he's not talking to her if in fact he is. If he had made the decision to talk to her, he has to be responsible enough to tell you about his decision. Then, the two of you can talk about its pros and cons. Couples usually resolve problems together.