Hi and thank you for writing JA
I am not sending this as a response just as an information request so please do not press accept or think of this as a response at all.
Can you tell me why it is so imperative that you have to marry now after six years? Is there any valid reason why a date cannot be set two years from now?
Thanks for the additional information.
She is afraid once she marries she will not be as happy as she is right now?
You see it is very common indeed that once couples who have been in long term relationships such as you and your fiance that the dynamic changes so drastically once marriage occurs that the relationship disintegrates. I think if she is not ready the question I would have for her would not be why are you not ready? but instead What would it take for you to be ready?
I know that it must sound silly to you to read but there is a big difference. I was asking about urgency specifically because I wanted to know if children were planned or if there are health, insurance or financial reasons for you to marry just now? Often that is the case in second marriages after long term courtships.
I know many women who would envy her situation. She has a close intimate relationship with a man who loves her and at the same time she is not locked into an agreement that had disappointed and caused her pain in the past.
Ultimately you must do what is right for you. If you love her than leave things the way they are. If it is vital that you remarry let her go and find someone who wants what you want? You cannot force her to want what you want and the more you push the more likely she will feel pressured and less likely to want to marry you.
This is such an emotionally charged situation for you (as it would be for ANYONE) that I am not certain you are seeing your options as clearly as you would if you were on the outside looking in.
Let me know what you think?
Your options are indeed to walk away or to stay and accept things as they are. I think your decision is very personal and one only you can make. I also think your fiance is frightened and feeling pressured. Is there a way you can find to ask her how to help her feel less pressured?
Its up to you. Either way I wish you only the very best on this. Please drop me a note and let me know how things turn out for you.
Best wishes, Cathy