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Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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So let me start by saying I really blew it last night with

Resolved Question:

So let me start by saying "I really blew it" last night with my guy.

Back history - we've been together for almost 3 years, serious since April. Things have been great however we both have baggage from previous marriages. He is somewhat emotionally distant when conflict arrises and runs from "emotional responses" that he doesn't understand. I am very cautious and lately have responded emotionally when I get my feelings hurt. Althought I feel I should be able to talk to him about this it is sometimes very hard. Last night we had another tiff (this makes 4 now) where he did something that hurt my feelings and I over reacted. We were out for a business dinner and at the time to leave, I noticed he was already gone. He had left without me in a cab back to the hotel. I was upset not about the cab but that he had left me without saying anything. It made me feel insignificant. The worst part was everyone said the boys had gone to the bars. Needless to say I was hurt. When I rolled into the lobby he was there and couldn't understand why I was upset and was a bit sarcastic about it. I ended up leaving the lobby and called him later. We got in a disagreement and I broke up with him stating that "i don't think he can give me what I need." I over reacted and spent the entire night not sleeping. We talked this morning but he said I've pushed him away and I keep having these emotional responses to stupid things. Told me I was acting like his ex wife.

I know I said something last night that I didn't mean. I still love him deeply and want to be with him but think I finally crossed the line. What to do now? He doesn't want to talk about it and says we'll just "rinse and reload." Help. I love him and know I've screwed up! He's running.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.

Hi JA customer and thank you for writing.

 

Wow, that is some story. I am sorry you are being so abused right now but you are. I think you DID NOT OVEREACT one bit and you are to be applauded in fact for your self restraint.

 

If you are in a serious relationship with someone and they possess such poor social skills and such poor insight that they were not aware that the appropriate and committed thing to do was to wait for you and take a cab to the hotel together or to apprise you he would be taking another cab and meet you at the hotel or any other of a thousand options I would say you are involved with one very limited human being who is never going to change and is never going to give any woman what she needs in a relationship. There is something seriously amiss with this guy.

 

I do not think you screwed up in the least. I think he is screwy. Let him go. Go out and meet someone with adult manners and social skills and stop blaming yourself for others bad behavior. If you need some help see a therapist for a few weeks or months so that you can better discern when someone else is misbehaving. I think you would be an ideal candidate for therapy and gain a lot. It would be great if you would not have a pattern of becoming involved people who are so limited.

Let me know if I can help you further on this?

Warm regards, Cathy

Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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